things have been quite messy lately but i think both of us are being very patient with everything. its amazing how she handles stuff, including me.
i am off to bangkok for a short holiday. 4 days to be exact and i will leaving in a short while. i know that i won't be in singapore tonite to talk to u dear. I know that i'll miss u loads the moment the plane lifts off. i reali can't bear to leave u but i think u would definitely want me to go on the holiday.
yesterday was terrible. i exploded n all. we both had a huge argument. i'm so sorry abt it. i reali am. i feel bad, guilty and even stressed out! i'm glad dat u eventually picked up the phone. i was chatting wif her sis in msn last nite. we talked abt us, dear. how faithful we can be and as long as both of us are into each other, the question of who deserves who, shouldn't exist. i agree wholeheartedly!
dear, i may seem unreasonable to u at times. i can show the stupidest atittude and i may even upset u a lot of times. n u have been greatly patient with all of my antics. i am amazed by u. and i'm falling deeper n deeper in love wif u. and yes, i love u for Allah's sake. sincerely and honestly. i cannot imagine myself without u now. n i pray ever so hard that we'll be together forever. i appreciate ur presence in my life and tears are indeed rolling down my cheeks as i type this. guys should cry. we are mere humans and do cry at the right moments. yes, we are strong too. so darling, i'm strong n yet soft hearted at the right moments. i love u nur hidayah and i sure hope u'll be my partner for life. love u sayang n i look forward to meeting u next week. sayaaaaaang u!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
lips of an angel
life has been kinda hectic these few days. den again, if its not, it will get mundane. there's no replacement for Cik Minah yet, so i'm the one who's covering her place for the time being. so i'm working on mondays, wednesday, fridays, saturdays and sundays. yes, that's like 5 days a week. and i am definitely hope for someone to come along and fill the sunday slot. so i reaaaaali wanna take off on sundays to be with Hidayah.
we went out to Escape last sunday, but this time round, with a special guest. we went out with younger sister, ijati! she's the most adorable lil thing! not to mention hyperactive! she was so quiet initially! when she was comfy wif me, she was talkative. haha! she's a smart lil gal and i love to talk to her. but i love talking to my gf more! haha! we had fun down at Escape. took the inverter twice wif ijati. dear, u should have went wif us for the 2nd ride!
we left ard 7pm and i accompanied her to paya lebar cos she was meeting her mom. when we were in the train, her mom called me n asked if i was gonna tag along for dinner wif them. next thing i knew, i was suppose to meet both of her parents for dinner! Ya Allah! I was so freaked out. i had butterflies, moths n wateva insects in my stomach. i was a nervous wreck! but she calmed me down n i will never forget that nite. she juz looked at me n said 'sayang, dun worry! look at me. i love you and ur gonna be fine.' alhamdulilah, things turned out well and i had the most interesting time wif her family.
n i'm meeting her tmrw for a date. sayang, at times, i let my feelings get the better of me but i promise u that i'll treat u good, if not, best, from now on. i love u Nur Hidayah and i pray that Allah will strengthen our relationship, bless us with the utmost understanding towards each other and ease the road that we are travelling together. cos frankly, i think ur the one.
we went out to Escape last sunday, but this time round, with a special guest. we went out with younger sister, ijati! she's the most adorable lil thing! not to mention hyperactive! she was so quiet initially! when she was comfy wif me, she was talkative. haha! she's a smart lil gal and i love to talk to her. but i love talking to my gf more! haha! we had fun down at Escape. took the inverter twice wif ijati. dear, u should have went wif us for the 2nd ride!
we left ard 7pm and i accompanied her to paya lebar cos she was meeting her mom. when we were in the train, her mom called me n asked if i was gonna tag along for dinner wif them. next thing i knew, i was suppose to meet both of her parents for dinner! Ya Allah! I was so freaked out. i had butterflies, moths n wateva insects in my stomach. i was a nervous wreck! but she calmed me down n i will never forget that nite. she juz looked at me n said 'sayang, dun worry! look at me. i love you and ur gonna be fine.' alhamdulilah, things turned out well and i had the most interesting time wif her family.
n i'm meeting her tmrw for a date. sayang, at times, i let my feelings get the better of me but i promise u that i'll treat u good, if not, best, from now on. i love u Nur Hidayah and i pray that Allah will strengthen our relationship, bless us with the utmost understanding towards each other and ease the road that we are travelling together. cos frankly, i think ur the one.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
lovin' her
she's got a smile that would make the most senile
annoying old man bite his tongue
i'm not done
she's got eyes comparable to sunrise
and it doesn't stop there
man i swear
she's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
and now she's even got her own song
but movin' on
she's got the cutest laugh i ever heard
and we can be on the phone for three hours
not sayin' one word
and i would still cherish every moment
and when i start to build my future she's the main component
call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
everywhere i go i keep her picture in my wallet like you
take a look at my girlfriend
she's the only one i got [ba ba da da]
not much of a girlfriend
i never seem to get a lot [ba ba da da, ba ba da da]
take a look at my girlfriend
she's the only one i got [ba ba da da]
not much of a girlfriend
i never seem to get a lot [ba ba da da, ba ba da da]
that's part of a song called Cupid's Chokehold..and seriously, take a look at
my gf cos i'm freaking proud of her and she's only one i got..
Saturday, July 28, 2007
challenged
chal·lenge:
A test of one's abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking.
life is full of challenges. definitely. each and every one of our lives consists of many different challenges that sometimes forces us to exert to the very best of our abilities. the trials and tribulations that God throws at us, demands mostly patience and understanding to overcome. yet, challenges are not bad. challenges make us realize a lot of things. our limits, patience, level of tolerance, understanding and acceptance.
had a terrible day in sch yesterday. it was my science module and bloody frustrating. throughout 3 or 4 weeks, i have been doing all the work with Fai. Fai has been a great help, especially when she has never touched on chemistry before. but i can that she is trying her best to help out. both of us are simply tired of our members' attitude. they are too dependent on us. can u imagine, that while Fai n me are doing our work, they would be playing games? and when our lecturer approaches our group to see our progress, they will simply say that Fai n me have completed the worksheet and that the lecturer should check on us instead! pathetic! disgusted! useless! yes, i know i give my best in my presentations and work. but that does not mean i can do everything myself. yes, i am the oldest in class but i am not a superhuman. i will try my best to help you people to get good grades but u people need to help me!
there will obviously be challenges in love too. dear, if i need to run a thousand miles just to see you, i would. i need to carry a thousand boulders just to see you, i would. if i need to give up every dollar i have, just to see you, i would. all i need is time and attention from you. i do not need treats, fame or money but just your attention and time. i seriously miss u sayang. i know that ur busy with attachment n all but do try to find time for us to spend together k? i love u dear!! i was not angry at u yesterday. in fact, i'm beginning to understand ur work commitment. whenever u are working, u tend to lose urself in it and forget other factors. think of me k?
i wish i could meet u soon. cos i miss u so. love u dear.
A test of one's abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking.
life is full of challenges. definitely. each and every one of our lives consists of many different challenges that sometimes forces us to exert to the very best of our abilities. the trials and tribulations that God throws at us, demands mostly patience and understanding to overcome. yet, challenges are not bad. challenges make us realize a lot of things. our limits, patience, level of tolerance, understanding and acceptance.
had a terrible day in sch yesterday. it was my science module and bloody frustrating. throughout 3 or 4 weeks, i have been doing all the work with Fai. Fai has been a great help, especially when she has never touched on chemistry before. but i can that she is trying her best to help out. both of us are simply tired of our members' attitude. they are too dependent on us. can u imagine, that while Fai n me are doing our work, they would be playing games? and when our lecturer approaches our group to see our progress, they will simply say that Fai n me have completed the worksheet and that the lecturer should check on us instead! pathetic! disgusted! useless! yes, i know i give my best in my presentations and work. but that does not mean i can do everything myself. yes, i am the oldest in class but i am not a superhuman. i will try my best to help you people to get good grades but u people need to help me!
there will obviously be challenges in love too. dear, if i need to run a thousand miles just to see you, i would. i need to carry a thousand boulders just to see you, i would. if i need to give up every dollar i have, just to see you, i would. all i need is time and attention from you. i do not need treats, fame or money but just your attention and time. i seriously miss u sayang. i know that ur busy with attachment n all but do try to find time for us to spend together k? i love u dear!! i was not angry at u yesterday. in fact, i'm beginning to understand ur work commitment. whenever u are working, u tend to lose urself in it and forget other factors. think of me k?
i wish i could meet u soon. cos i miss u so. love u dear.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
^BUMP^
It has been a tough week. I had my understanding tests, rugby trainings and so much more. Work has been all right so far. Ok, maybe I should be working only on Saturdays instead of taking on the whole weekends. Then again, I won’t be earning much if I decide to work on Saturdays.
I’ve been skipping rugby trainings lately. I feel that I cannot commit to so many things at one time. I am 23 years old and at this point of my life, I should be deciding which path I should be heading on. I have spent 10 years of my life dedicated to rugby. It is definitely my passion. Why? Passion is when you sprained your ankles a gazillion times and you strap them up, get back on your feet and start playing again. It is when you get cuts and bruises on every part of your body, yet you laugh and keep on playing. It is when the skin on your shoulders got torn off and yet you ask for more. It is when you had your finger dislocated and had it popped back in, just keep on playing. It is when you break your left wrist, had metal supports implanted and removed, and yet you continue want to play. After 10 years, I feel that I have had my fun. Besides, I should concentrate on my running nowadays. I miss running at night.
Understanding tests are getting tougher as we progressed. I am now left with 3 weeks before I ‘unofficially’ end my semester. I realized that National Service has helped me quite a lot. I am now more patient and dedicated towards my studies. Syukur Alhamdulilah, I feel that I’m able to get better at adapting to new problems that may arise.
She has started her attachment on Monday and officially completed her first week yesterday! It was definitely tough to talk to her through out the week. She gets very moody after work and I tend to back off whenever she’s like that. I do hope God will give me the strength to face up these challenges. I know I can do it! Haha! Very gung ho! Anyway dear, you still have around 6 more weeks to go. I wish you all the best and Insya’Allah, everything will be smooth sailing.
We went out yesterday but everything started to fall apart. She was very late due to family problems and I got very pissed off. Emotions flew and I guess, everything isn’t what they are supposed to be. We had dinner, yes, was a nice moment. Then she said something of the blue which sparked off a certain sensitive side of me. I got irritated and we both were very much silent after that.
To my dearest love, I may not be the perfect person for you but I am always trying to be the best one for you. I do hope you can see how sincere I am towards our relationship. At times, I fail to immediately see how much you care and how understanding you are towards me. But I will definitely realize it, after a few moments. My love towards you will never change, despite any problems that will arise. Never, dear. I just hope you are there, with me, trying to overcome those obstacles. And dear, we shouldn’t let our feelings get the better of us. I am sorry for getting upset. I am sorry for not talking much yesterday, I was just simply angry. The remedy is really simple. It is just your smile. Or maybe, a treat from you. Haha!
I cherish the time we spent all these while. Work has been all right and it is all because of you. I have plans in the future, and I hope God has set my path in conjunction with my plans. That which does not kill you, only serves to make you stronger. Insya'Allah. I do hope whatever happens, only serves to strengthen our ties. I love u.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
something to ponder
We all deserve to be happy. Most of us want to be happy in healthy and loving relationships. What makes relationships healthy? They have six basic qualities —
- respect
- trust
- honesty
- fairness
- equality
- good communication
Healthy relationships help us feel better about ourselves and about our place in the world. They make us feel safe. Unhealthy relationships make us feel unsafe.
Respect
Without respect, relationships can be hurtful. Many of us think it takes a slap or a punch to hurt someone. But insults and unkind words hurt just as much. They can destroy our self-esteem — how we feel about ourselves.
Trust
Without trust, relationships can cause jealousy and unhappiness. Jealous partners doubt the other's love or commitment. Building trust — by talking, listening, being honest, respecting each other's feelings, and having fun together — is the best cure for jealousy.
Honesty and Fairness
Without honesty and fairness, relationships can be hurt by lies and anger. No one is always right — or wrong. In healthy relationships, partners admit their mistakes and can expect forgiveness.
Equality
Without equality, unhappiness is likely as one partner takes control. In healthy relationships, neither partner is "in charge."
Good Communication
Without good communication, there are a lot of misunderstandings. In healthy relationships, partners are open and listen to each other.
Love and Anger
Love shouldn't hurt. In happy and healthy relationships, partners try not to hurt each other. It's true that we all get angry sometimes. But when we do get angry, we have a choice — we can express ourselves in a healthy way, or we can do it in an unhealthy way and hurt someone else.
Remember: You and your partner always have choices — even when angry.
With reference to: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/sexual-health/sexual-health-relationship/is-this-love.htm
Monday, July 16, 2007
for her...
alot of things happened since friday! everything was like a rush and i feel good that most of it happened.
on fri, we went out on a date to watch the latest of the Harry Potter movie. the show was abit draggy but was still ok. love the effects though. we walked around vivo city and had dinner before i sent her off. dear, i love that look u have when ur concentrating on sumting. i just wanna lay back n feel the warmth of ur touch.
she came down to bugis on saturday nite. surprised me. yeah, she often does that. wouldn't tell me beforehand and she would just suddenly appear. she was from home, after spending the whole noon at work. she look so pretty in that outfit of hers. she told me she was there to look for a nurse watch but in the end, she didn't even look for it. instead, she asked me whether i would like to meet her mom that very nite. i was bloody nervous of cos but i guess that its either now or never. so i met them after work. we walked ard orchard for awhile before settling down at starbucks. we bought a few drinks and talked about hidayah. it seems as if i've gotten to know her a whole lot more. her past, present and probably her future. her mom was cool, funky and definitely modern. someone who's friendly and open. she made me feel comfortable. she's someone i would definitely wanna talk to.
i bought her a nurse watch yesterday. for the first time, i saw her did the closing in bedok. it was absolutely tedious and now i know y she's tired most of the time. i wished i could help but i dun think they would allow a stranger to lend a helping hand. i knew that she would be hungry so i brought her a packet of her fav chicken rice. see, i'm a very thoughtful guy. romantic somemore. haha! so i send her home after that.
today, i had her watch replaced. the chain broke off and it couldn't be hung onto her uniform. we had dinner together and it was fun talking to her.
sayang, i've gotten to know u sooo much more through out these 4 days. from ur mom, ur sister and myself. ur the most wonderful gal i've ever met. u made me realized that forgiving others is easier than hating them. that no matter what, God is still there for me. that i should b confident of myself. that trust comes along wif understanding in a relationship. that u brighten up my life. yes dear, u have ur bad points. those are just reminders for me to realized that ur not perfect and i should NEVER, EVER expect you to be perfect. cos i do have my bad points too. n i do hope u can accept me for who i am. there are so many times, i just wanna turn n look at u, shed a few tears and tell u how much i appreciate someone like u in my life. one day sayang, i'll do just that. i pray that God will strengthen our relationship and i love u nur hidayah. ur my heartbeat. my sunshine. my love.
on fri, we went out on a date to watch the latest of the Harry Potter movie. the show was abit draggy but was still ok. love the effects though. we walked around vivo city and had dinner before i sent her off. dear, i love that look u have when ur concentrating on sumting. i just wanna lay back n feel the warmth of ur touch.
she came down to bugis on saturday nite. surprised me. yeah, she often does that. wouldn't tell me beforehand and she would just suddenly appear. she was from home, after spending the whole noon at work. she look so pretty in that outfit of hers. she told me she was there to look for a nurse watch but in the end, she didn't even look for it. instead, she asked me whether i would like to meet her mom that very nite. i was bloody nervous of cos but i guess that its either now or never. so i met them after work. we walked ard orchard for awhile before settling down at starbucks. we bought a few drinks and talked about hidayah. it seems as if i've gotten to know her a whole lot more. her past, present and probably her future. her mom was cool, funky and definitely modern. someone who's friendly and open. she made me feel comfortable. she's someone i would definitely wanna talk to.
i bought her a nurse watch yesterday. for the first time, i saw her did the closing in bedok. it was absolutely tedious and now i know y she's tired most of the time. i wished i could help but i dun think they would allow a stranger to lend a helping hand. i knew that she would be hungry so i brought her a packet of her fav chicken rice. see, i'm a very thoughtful guy. romantic somemore. haha! so i send her home after that.
today, i had her watch replaced. the chain broke off and it couldn't be hung onto her uniform. we had dinner together and it was fun talking to her.
sayang, i've gotten to know u sooo much more through out these 4 days. from ur mom, ur sister and myself. ur the most wonderful gal i've ever met. u made me realized that forgiving others is easier than hating them. that no matter what, God is still there for me. that i should b confident of myself. that trust comes along wif understanding in a relationship. that u brighten up my life. yes dear, u have ur bad points. those are just reminders for me to realized that ur not perfect and i should NEVER, EVER expect you to be perfect. cos i do have my bad points too. n i do hope u can accept me for who i am. there are so many times, i just wanna turn n look at u, shed a few tears and tell u how much i appreciate someone like u in my life. one day sayang, i'll do just that. i pray that God will strengthen our relationship and i love u nur hidayah. ur my heartbeat. my sunshine. my love.
Friday, July 13, 2007
my wonderwall
life is but a strange concept. u never seem to ponder about certain things until it happened and affects u, either directly or indirectly. yet, we tend to take things for granted. we should refuse to accept certain things or fear certain knowledge structures because we simply cannot understand them. we fear what we do not understand.
we should, in fact, learn to meekly approach the unknown and slowly understand it. thus, turning it into an advantage of ours. learning is indeed never ending, whether its physically or academically. my lovely gf told me that knowledge is of abundance and everywhere. its really up to us whether we want to see it and learn from it. sumtimes, the saddest stories hold the greatest knowledge.
yet, love is something that one can never really understand. we were told different stories and concepts regarding. similarly, the concepts are different because they come from different perspectives from different people. in some cases, it may seem familiar but no two love stories are the same. why? because of the different people involved. each story has new characters, venues and plots. however, the love theme still stays.
yes, care and concern comes with love. so does the act of selflessness and responsibility. in fact, love teaches you to be patient and to be a better person. it is just how we perceive and view it as constructive or destructive. learn to trust God. it helps. He will decide ur path. embrace it. face the challenges along the way because it will only make u stronger. believe that He loves u. because that is why you are, where and what you are, now. learn to love Him. because there is nothing more pure between your love towards God and His love towards you. from there, learn to trust your partner because it helps in understanding each other.
love came into my life. a knocking on my door. i refuse to open the door initially but eventually, slowly opening the door bit by bit. the person at the other side was wonderful. she smiles and has a haughty personality. she maybe fierce but i guess there reasons for that. she makes me think about my life and where i want to be. a slap of realization i should say. and i eventually, opened the door to her. it took her awhile to take a step into my life. but i told her to take her time. and when she finally did, we were both smiling.
so take a look us now dear. i'm no longer an empty space. ur filling up my life and i'm thankful to Allah for letting me meet you. u brighten up my life by calling me up in the morning and accompanying me to sch. i love ur sister's adorable voice. i miss looking into your eyes each time we are apart and thank you for coming into my life.
we should, in fact, learn to meekly approach the unknown and slowly understand it. thus, turning it into an advantage of ours. learning is indeed never ending, whether its physically or academically. my lovely gf told me that knowledge is of abundance and everywhere. its really up to us whether we want to see it and learn from it. sumtimes, the saddest stories hold the greatest knowledge.
yet, love is something that one can never really understand. we were told different stories and concepts regarding. similarly, the concepts are different because they come from different perspectives from different people. in some cases, it may seem familiar but no two love stories are the same. why? because of the different people involved. each story has new characters, venues and plots. however, the love theme still stays.
yes, care and concern comes with love. so does the act of selflessness and responsibility. in fact, love teaches you to be patient and to be a better person. it is just how we perceive and view it as constructive or destructive. learn to trust God. it helps. He will decide ur path. embrace it. face the challenges along the way because it will only make u stronger. believe that He loves u. because that is why you are, where and what you are, now. learn to love Him. because there is nothing more pure between your love towards God and His love towards you. from there, learn to trust your partner because it helps in understanding each other.
love came into my life. a knocking on my door. i refuse to open the door initially but eventually, slowly opening the door bit by bit. the person at the other side was wonderful. she smiles and has a haughty personality. she maybe fierce but i guess there reasons for that. she makes me think about my life and where i want to be. a slap of realization i should say. and i eventually, opened the door to her. it took her awhile to take a step into my life. but i told her to take her time. and when she finally did, we were both smiling.
so take a look us now dear. i'm no longer an empty space. ur filling up my life and i'm thankful to Allah for letting me meet you. u brighten up my life by calling me up in the morning and accompanying me to sch. i love ur sister's adorable voice. i miss looking into your eyes each time we are apart and thank you for coming into my life.
Monday, July 09, 2007
uplift
pretty cool time i had so far. Alhamdulilah. so many things happened and i'm reali smiling wide nowadays.
i took her out to celebrate her belated birthday on 1st july. we went out to vivo city n spend the day together. to tell the truth, i was tired but really enjoyed her accompany. i dunno but i'm at peace whenever i look at her calm face. she makes me smile n the touch of her hands, simply provides the warmth i need. for once in my life, i feel wanted.
she cares for me, she worries about me, grabs my hands whenever i'm mad, looks into my eyes and we both smile automatically, notices how i always stare at her, holds my hand whenever she goes down the stairs in a pair of high heels and visits me whenever i work down at raffles.
we go out often. i wake up early just to have breakfast with her. i've met her mom a couple of times and just today, went out with her and her sister. and they are the friendliest of people. always smiling and seriously, i'm very comfortable with her. yes, i'm a terribly shy person but over time, i could deal with the nervous feeling and get used to the whole thing.
to nur hidayah, i am seriously into you. i am helplessly falling for you each day and i appreciate your efforts and the little things u do. even though i dun say, but i prefer meeting your mom and sister because the relationship wouldn't be THAT awkward. ur my heart beat and i pray that we'll stay together forever. I thank God for giving me the chance to meet you. for it is Him who decides everything. you strengthen my beliefs and darling, i owe u alot of things.
i love you dear. and ur engraved in my heart. thank you sayang.
i took her out to celebrate her belated birthday on 1st july. we went out to vivo city n spend the day together. to tell the truth, i was tired but really enjoyed her accompany. i dunno but i'm at peace whenever i look at her calm face. she makes me smile n the touch of her hands, simply provides the warmth i need. for once in my life, i feel wanted.
she cares for me, she worries about me, grabs my hands whenever i'm mad, looks into my eyes and we both smile automatically, notices how i always stare at her, holds my hand whenever she goes down the stairs in a pair of high heels and visits me whenever i work down at raffles.
we go out often. i wake up early just to have breakfast with her. i've met her mom a couple of times and just today, went out with her and her sister. and they are the friendliest of people. always smiling and seriously, i'm very comfortable with her. yes, i'm a terribly shy person but over time, i could deal with the nervous feeling and get used to the whole thing.
to nur hidayah, i am seriously into you. i am helplessly falling for you each day and i appreciate your efforts and the little things u do. even though i dun say, but i prefer meeting your mom and sister because the relationship wouldn't be THAT awkward. ur my heart beat and i pray that we'll stay together forever. I thank God for giving me the chance to meet you. for it is Him who decides everything. you strengthen my beliefs and darling, i owe u alot of things.
i love you dear. and ur engraved in my heart. thank you sayang.
Friday, June 29, 2007
TGIF
its friday morning! and i'm not yet asleep. can't seem to sleep. yes, i am tired but just can't sleep.
went out today. i skipped rugby. went to make a new pair of specs today. there goes my money. haha! but then again, i really need a change of specs. my current one has a deep scratch on it due to the army. i still remembered how it happened. it was during a route march and we had to get our bags and webbings off within 5 secs. in the rush, the muzzle of my rifle hit my face and slashed across my specs. Thank God i was wearing specs, otherwise i would be having scars on my eye!
bought 2 new polo tees. yeah, i love polo tees. haha! they are the most comfy thing n a cross of casual and formal too! plus i look good in them! just got off the phone with Dayah. and its soo stressful. i dunno if you really wanna go out with me on Sunday. u should have told zoe early. she probably can settle the whole thing. have some faith. and seriously, though i wouldn't say it, i would be heartbroken and disappointed if you can't make it on Sunday. i'll spend my day alone and reject every single call from everyone who's gonna call me on that day. really. i'll be very moody.
i really dunno. God, please show me the right path. we are drifting apart. i feel so too. i think i have no place in her heart n that i should just go away quietly. tell me dear, who am i to u? a normal guy just like the rest or someone who's in ur heart? cos i'm afraid of making the wrong choices..
went out today. i skipped rugby. went to make a new pair of specs today. there goes my money. haha! but then again, i really need a change of specs. my current one has a deep scratch on it due to the army. i still remembered how it happened. it was during a route march and we had to get our bags and webbings off within 5 secs. in the rush, the muzzle of my rifle hit my face and slashed across my specs. Thank God i was wearing specs, otherwise i would be having scars on my eye!
bought 2 new polo tees. yeah, i love polo tees. haha! they are the most comfy thing n a cross of casual and formal too! plus i look good in them! just got off the phone with Dayah. and its soo stressful. i dunno if you really wanna go out with me on Sunday. u should have told zoe early. she probably can settle the whole thing. have some faith. and seriously, though i wouldn't say it, i would be heartbroken and disappointed if you can't make it on Sunday. i'll spend my day alone and reject every single call from everyone who's gonna call me on that day. really. i'll be very moody.
i really dunno. God, please show me the right path. we are drifting apart. i feel so too. i think i have no place in her heart n that i should just go away quietly. tell me dear, who am i to u? a normal guy just like the rest or someone who's in ur heart? cos i'm afraid of making the wrong choices..
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
uncertainties
back from work n all.
this week is tiring. its been a month since we had a proper training. a month. that is how fast time flies. the first thing that my coach just had to do, was to throw us a fitness session. we had to sprint 6 times around the field. look, i maybe big and muscular but speed isn't my forte. i can run 10km and all but i definitely can't sprint it all the way!! so imagine how tired i was at the end of the session. we had scrums, line outs and a match simulation. to elaborate, i had to endure the force of 8 other people, lift a 70kg guy, get pushed, tackled, kicked, dragged and so on. y am i still playing it? in the words of a pretty gal, must have passion...passion!!
back to doing presentations. i'm left with 6 more weeks before i'm off for my holidays. first to KL then to Bangkok! weeeeeeeee! i seriously cannot wait!!
i was walking alone just now and listening to the songs on my hand phone. den the song 'kenangan terindah' by Samsons began to play. i was singing to it den began to think about the lyrics and all. suddenly, tears begin to roll lah! luckily there was no one around. ish! i was thinking about this particular gal. yes, i'm beginning to fall for u. i miss u loads and can't wait to see u soon. but i'm uncertain about how u feel towards me. i dunno what u treat me as and i'm afraid to show u how much i love u. yes, i'm holding back. i'm just afraid. but hey, if things dun go work and we go our separate ways, pls take note that you've been the nicest to me so far. n i won't probably regret knowing u. there's a reason y God allowed this meeting btwn u n me. n so far, He has never been wrong. n yes, i know God has better plans for me.
read my lips. i love u loads. and i'm scared to show it cos things might not work out. if u feel the same way, tell me pls. kan aku jadi kan kau kenangan terindah....
this week is tiring. its been a month since we had a proper training. a month. that is how fast time flies. the first thing that my coach just had to do, was to throw us a fitness session. we had to sprint 6 times around the field. look, i maybe big and muscular but speed isn't my forte. i can run 10km and all but i definitely can't sprint it all the way!! so imagine how tired i was at the end of the session. we had scrums, line outs and a match simulation. to elaborate, i had to endure the force of 8 other people, lift a 70kg guy, get pushed, tackled, kicked, dragged and so on. y am i still playing it? in the words of a pretty gal, must have passion...passion!!
back to doing presentations. i'm left with 6 more weeks before i'm off for my holidays. first to KL then to Bangkok! weeeeeeeee! i seriously cannot wait!!
i was walking alone just now and listening to the songs on my hand phone. den the song 'kenangan terindah' by Samsons began to play. i was singing to it den began to think about the lyrics and all. suddenly, tears begin to roll lah! luckily there was no one around. ish! i was thinking about this particular gal. yes, i'm beginning to fall for u. i miss u loads and can't wait to see u soon. but i'm uncertain about how u feel towards me. i dunno what u treat me as and i'm afraid to show u how much i love u. yes, i'm holding back. i'm just afraid. but hey, if things dun go work and we go our separate ways, pls take note that you've been the nicest to me so far. n i won't probably regret knowing u. there's a reason y God allowed this meeting btwn u n me. n so far, He has never been wrong. n yes, i know God has better plans for me.
read my lips. i love u loads. and i'm scared to show it cos things might not work out. if u feel the same way, tell me pls. kan aku jadi kan kau kenangan terindah....
Sunday, June 24, 2007
down
she called me up around 8am. and she sounded weak. very weak. i can't help but to feel sad too. i mean, this is the gal whom i am beginning to fall in love with. and i am hearing her weak voice. it saddens me a lot. a whole lot.
so she says she can't work today and tried to contact the boss. her call wasn't picked up so she asked to try my luck instead. so i sms-ed our boss and a few minutes later, i got the reply. boss says that she thinks that Dayah can't work long hours and if she continues this hectic routine, she will disrupt our schedule. and she's not sending Dayah to my outlet anymore.
i agree to everything. EXCEPT THE LAST PART!! I know that everyone has a limit. your mind is a strong thing but your body is never invincible. i know that to run a business, u need a smooth flow of operation so u probably dun wanna have any disruption. BUT DUN HAVE TO TAKE OUT DAYAH WAT!!
i mean, i only get to spend time with Dayah is when she works with me. its hard to find to time nowadays. especially with me working and having rugby most of the time. so i have decided to change my work schedule once everything is settled. i will want to work from 5pm - 10pm on saturdays and do opening from 7.30am till 5pm. cos after work on sundays, i can meet with her. dats if she wants to. or i juz take off on saturdays. haha!
i feel sad. disappointed. down. seriously i do.
but i also know this is one of the challenges in life. God is great and i just gotta go through it. cos behind every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.
love u loads. seriously i do.
so she says she can't work today and tried to contact the boss. her call wasn't picked up so she asked to try my luck instead. so i sms-ed our boss and a few minutes later, i got the reply. boss says that she thinks that Dayah can't work long hours and if she continues this hectic routine, she will disrupt our schedule. and she's not sending Dayah to my outlet anymore.
i agree to everything. EXCEPT THE LAST PART!! I know that everyone has a limit. your mind is a strong thing but your body is never invincible. i know that to run a business, u need a smooth flow of operation so u probably dun wanna have any disruption. BUT DUN HAVE TO TAKE OUT DAYAH WAT!!
i mean, i only get to spend time with Dayah is when she works with me. its hard to find to time nowadays. especially with me working and having rugby most of the time. so i have decided to change my work schedule once everything is settled. i will want to work from 5pm - 10pm on saturdays and do opening from 7.30am till 5pm. cos after work on sundays, i can meet with her. dats if she wants to. or i juz take off on saturdays. haha!
i feel sad. disappointed. down. seriously i do.
but i also know this is one of the challenges in life. God is great and i just gotta go through it. cos behind every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.
love u loads. seriously i do.
persona
end of the first week since sch started!!
was looking forward to the weekend actually. a bit tired from all the dumb things happening in sch. been working through out the holidays so i didn't have much time for rest and relax. there's progress in our rugby training. there are finally proper game plays and phases! at last, we are going somewhere!
work has been cool so far. got a complained from a customer. blah blah blah. ah well, work is work. haha! i skipped school on Wednesday cos i was too tired. so i spent the afternoon with Hidayah down in Bugis. i borrowed her my spare phone since she lost hers a few days back. the person who stole her hp is really stoooopid! y did u take her phone?!?! how was i suppose to contact her den!
Dayah was down with fever today. she looked so tired from everything. sayang, i feel very bad whenever u look as if ur weak and in pain. i feel very very bad. if i could share the pain or even bear the pain for u, i would! seriously i would. aaaaaah...i really feel so bad. there are so many things i wish i could say to u. maybe i'll tell u tmrw k?
abit tired now. woke up early just to have breakfast wif her. and its worth the effort cos i really like to see her smile...
was looking forward to the weekend actually. a bit tired from all the dumb things happening in sch. been working through out the holidays so i didn't have much time for rest and relax. there's progress in our rugby training. there are finally proper game plays and phases! at last, we are going somewhere!
work has been cool so far. got a complained from a customer. blah blah blah. ah well, work is work. haha! i skipped school on Wednesday cos i was too tired. so i spent the afternoon with Hidayah down in Bugis. i borrowed her my spare phone since she lost hers a few days back. the person who stole her hp is really stoooopid! y did u take her phone?!?! how was i suppose to contact her den!
Dayah was down with fever today. she looked so tired from everything. sayang, i feel very bad whenever u look as if ur weak and in pain. i feel very very bad. if i could share the pain or even bear the pain for u, i would! seriously i would. aaaaaah...i really feel so bad. there are so many things i wish i could say to u. maybe i'll tell u tmrw k?
abit tired now. woke up early just to have breakfast wif her. and its worth the effort cos i really like to see her smile...
Monday, June 18, 2007
rewind
well, its been kinda busy for me lately.
sch holidays just ended. so its back to school!
welcome back to W35Q. home to the 'Uniques'. yes, my class is W35Q and we called ourselves the 'Uniques'! strange but true. my mates are younger than me. on average, they are around 18 years old? yes, i do feel kinda old. but than again, age is just a number. i view myself as someone who is there to learn as well as to guide them along the path of adolescence since i went through it 5 years ago.
at 18 years old, i was working as a waiter at swensen's and a building maintenance worker with a private company. life was tiring but yet meaningful. i always tell my classmates that at 18, u are at a stage where u feel like exploring and that u tend to experience new things. cos in sec sch, ur shielded from the harsh elements of life due to the care that ur teachers give. but once you are out of sec sch, you are probably on your own. unless you are born with silver/gold/diamond spoon in your mouth!!
had gym training today. i feel as if my chest is getting bigger. haha! omg, i think i'm going to bulk up alot. time to do alot of running soon! lose abit of muscle mass n fat. can't wait for rugby to start again due to the stupid ban.
dayah lost her hp! omg! she was pretty much upset when she called me. aiyoh, i was even more upset when i knew about it! kesian!! aaaaah! n i get sad whenever she's sad. relax miss, dun be sad anymore. i'd lend u my shoulders for u to cry on, i think they are big enuff rite? haha! i know you'd smile at my corny and silly comments. i can borrow u my spare phone if u want to? no worries, i know how hard it is without having a hp. especially when ur attachment period is coming up. erm, just give me buzz if u ever need me k? u know i'm always there for u...
i'm starting to learn Jawi again. after years of losing interest, i think i'm at the age where i should give priority to my religion. been thinking about it since army days, but never had the chance due to super restrictions we have in the military. i often pray that God gives me jump start and i think He sent me one super great gal to set me off. haha! n i thank God for her presence in my life. i always believe that if ur lost, always get back to the basics. i may suck at reading Jawi but hey, i'm never too old to learn anything. anyway, age is just a number.
i saw a mom feeding her child. the child was making a mess of out everything and giving a hard time to her mom. n yet, the mom didn't flinch or sulk. i stood in awe, looking at how willing and patient the mom was. den it hit me. when she turns old and is unable to feed herself, would the child be willing to feed the mom? it is strange how we take things for granted. even stranger how we take people for granted. only God knows how i'm beginning to appreciate the people in my life...
sch holidays just ended. so its back to school!
welcome back to W35Q. home to the 'Uniques'. yes, my class is W35Q and we called ourselves the 'Uniques'! strange but true. my mates are younger than me. on average, they are around 18 years old? yes, i do feel kinda old. but than again, age is just a number. i view myself as someone who is there to learn as well as to guide them along the path of adolescence since i went through it 5 years ago.
at 18 years old, i was working as a waiter at swensen's and a building maintenance worker with a private company. life was tiring but yet meaningful. i always tell my classmates that at 18, u are at a stage where u feel like exploring and that u tend to experience new things. cos in sec sch, ur shielded from the harsh elements of life due to the care that ur teachers give. but once you are out of sec sch, you are probably on your own. unless you are born with silver/gold/diamond spoon in your mouth!!
had gym training today. i feel as if my chest is getting bigger. haha! omg, i think i'm going to bulk up alot. time to do alot of running soon! lose abit of muscle mass n fat. can't wait for rugby to start again due to the stupid ban.
dayah lost her hp! omg! she was pretty much upset when she called me. aiyoh, i was even more upset when i knew about it! kesian!! aaaaah! n i get sad whenever she's sad. relax miss, dun be sad anymore. i'd lend u my shoulders for u to cry on, i think they are big enuff rite? haha! i know you'd smile at my corny and silly comments. i can borrow u my spare phone if u want to? no worries, i know how hard it is without having a hp. especially when ur attachment period is coming up. erm, just give me buzz if u ever need me k? u know i'm always there for u...
i'm starting to learn Jawi again. after years of losing interest, i think i'm at the age where i should give priority to my religion. been thinking about it since army days, but never had the chance due to super restrictions we have in the military. i often pray that God gives me jump start and i think He sent me one super great gal to set me off. haha! n i thank God for her presence in my life. i always believe that if ur lost, always get back to the basics. i may suck at reading Jawi but hey, i'm never too old to learn anything. anyway, age is just a number.
i saw a mom feeding her child. the child was making a mess of out everything and giving a hard time to her mom. n yet, the mom didn't flinch or sulk. i stood in awe, looking at how willing and patient the mom was. den it hit me. when she turns old and is unable to feed herself, would the child be willing to feed the mom? it is strange how we take things for granted. even stranger how we take people for granted. only God knows how i'm beginning to appreciate the people in my life...
Thursday, June 14, 2007
heavy heart
i spent the whole of yesterday, with a heavy heart. i couldn't figured it out till the end of the night.
work was as per normal. as soon as i started work, i got this particular feeling that a particular gal might pop out of nowhere. so i kept turning my head left and right while working, and she did actually appeared! scared the shit out of me but hey, she brought smiles upon my face.
so we talked about what was stressing her out and all. she looks pale and tired. and it scares me to see someone i like in that condition. tried my best to help her settle the problems and i do hope i was being a good listener and giving the best advice. she has the sweetest smile.
so we talked at night. and i told her about my feelings towards her. and she explained the reasons y she does not want to get involved right now. yes, i was disappointed. i mean, who wouldn't be upset if the gal u are fond of, dun want to be with u? hahaha! but that's life. and i'm ok. cos love is love. and it can't helped even if its a one sided thing.
i'm the type of guy who doesn't express out his views freely, cos darling, i think of ur feelings too. so here's what i gotta say.
dayah, go pursue the dreams and goals that u have. cos darling, ur youth comes only once in ur life. make use of the time u have right now. and no one should definitely stop or interfere in the chase for ur dreams. yes, those dreams and goals of urs are great. i agree. and which is y i respect u alot. but darling, dun see relationships as a hindrance to sum tings. dun let it affect ur life. dun ever! learn not to! no relationships are without problems, and it is these problems that u find out how strong and well u cope with life. dun ever let that mindset stay in u. cos i did, n it got me nowhere. a fren of mine, a very very close fren of mine, once said that 'dun ever give up on love'. i gave up on it for years now, focused on my life and yeah, my life's doing ok. but wat do i gain from all this? i've yet to answer that question. ya, ur different from me. and i think ur gonna achieve alot of great things. but just go with the flow!
u helped me realized a lot of things. and u never know how much that means to me. to realized how weak i am in my religion, to be more tolerant than ever, to have more faith in God and to trust sum1 again. i view u as someone who can teach me things which i dunno. n of course i love u! but if u think that love is a hindrance now, den its better that we break now. i dunno about u, but i know that it will probably tear me up inside. haha! but i won't show it to u. i'll mask everything and put on my happy face. wateva the fuck is, just know i reali like and love u loads.
and this is probably the last time i tell someone i like her. haha! THE LAST TIME!
so i guess dats y i had a heavy heart yesterday. mayb cos i was bottling my feelings up. go with the flow and we see wat happens. God is great after all...
work was as per normal. as soon as i started work, i got this particular feeling that a particular gal might pop out of nowhere. so i kept turning my head left and right while working, and she did actually appeared! scared the shit out of me but hey, she brought smiles upon my face.
so we talked about what was stressing her out and all. she looks pale and tired. and it scares me to see someone i like in that condition. tried my best to help her settle the problems and i do hope i was being a good listener and giving the best advice. she has the sweetest smile.
so we talked at night. and i told her about my feelings towards her. and she explained the reasons y she does not want to get involved right now. yes, i was disappointed. i mean, who wouldn't be upset if the gal u are fond of, dun want to be with u? hahaha! but that's life. and i'm ok. cos love is love. and it can't helped even if its a one sided thing.
i'm the type of guy who doesn't express out his views freely, cos darling, i think of ur feelings too. so here's what i gotta say.
dayah, go pursue the dreams and goals that u have. cos darling, ur youth comes only once in ur life. make use of the time u have right now. and no one should definitely stop or interfere in the chase for ur dreams. yes, those dreams and goals of urs are great. i agree. and which is y i respect u alot. but darling, dun see relationships as a hindrance to sum tings. dun let it affect ur life. dun ever! learn not to! no relationships are without problems, and it is these problems that u find out how strong and well u cope with life. dun ever let that mindset stay in u. cos i did, n it got me nowhere. a fren of mine, a very very close fren of mine, once said that 'dun ever give up on love'. i gave up on it for years now, focused on my life and yeah, my life's doing ok. but wat do i gain from all this? i've yet to answer that question. ya, ur different from me. and i think ur gonna achieve alot of great things. but just go with the flow!
u helped me realized a lot of things. and u never know how much that means to me. to realized how weak i am in my religion, to be more tolerant than ever, to have more faith in God and to trust sum1 again. i view u as someone who can teach me things which i dunno. n of course i love u! but if u think that love is a hindrance now, den its better that we break now. i dunno about u, but i know that it will probably tear me up inside. haha! but i won't show it to u. i'll mask everything and put on my happy face. wateva the fuck is, just know i reali like and love u loads.
and this is probably the last time i tell someone i like her. haha! THE LAST TIME!
so i guess dats y i had a heavy heart yesterday. mayb cos i was bottling my feelings up. go with the flow and we see wat happens. God is great after all...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
metamorphosis
ok, look. i know its been ages since i updated my blog. a lot of things happened and changed my life.
i have ORD-ed. finally. after much bitching about it in my previous posts, i have actually reached that point of my life. i love it and am enjoying every single bit of my freedom now. i couldn't sleep the night before my ORD. i lay awake and kept on thinking about my future. i kept asking myself these questions:
i miss my late grandparents. my paternal ones didn't get the chance to watch me grow to be who i am now. my maternal grandma left me in 2005. and often i think of them. almost every run i went through in the army, i did it for them. they indirectly gave me the strength. do note that i love you all with all my heart. for God and you guys.
i am back to working at my old place. old place, brand new me. n i met this wonderful 18yr old gal. she's the sweetest lil thing with the fiercest temper. n i freaking like her. A LOT. no, dun get me wrong. yes, i get attracted to pretty gals (just like u ppl!) but i'm afraid of them. pretty, popular and those with a ALOT of male frens. i'm just scared of them. so i stay away from them. but this gal is pretty, smart and definitely haughty. we have our regular 'debates' at work and i love teasing her. she made A LOT of differences in my life. indirectly. for once, cos of her i'm beginning to have more faith in my religion. n i reali reali owe her a whole load of gratitude. i love her for that. i reali do. she made me realize how forgiving one can b. realized that there's more to life than just what it seems. and i value her words. yeah, i sound as if i like her. yes i do. i admit it. n there's nothing wrong with that. love u loads Dayah. i think u know that already.
so i'll try to continue posting more often. cos i think this blog will be the journal of my life. loads of memories in here. n i can always look back, smile and let the tears roll...
i have ORD-ed. finally. after much bitching about it in my previous posts, i have actually reached that point of my life. i love it and am enjoying every single bit of my freedom now. i couldn't sleep the night before my ORD. i lay awake and kept on thinking about my future. i kept asking myself these questions:
- so where do i go from here?
- what have i learned after 2 years?
- how the hell did i go through those pain and sufferings?
i miss my late grandparents. my paternal ones didn't get the chance to watch me grow to be who i am now. my maternal grandma left me in 2005. and often i think of them. almost every run i went through in the army, i did it for them. they indirectly gave me the strength. do note that i love you all with all my heart. for God and you guys.
i am back to working at my old place. old place, brand new me. n i met this wonderful 18yr old gal. she's the sweetest lil thing with the fiercest temper. n i freaking like her. A LOT. no, dun get me wrong. yes, i get attracted to pretty gals (just like u ppl!) but i'm afraid of them. pretty, popular and those with a ALOT of male frens. i'm just scared of them. so i stay away from them. but this gal is pretty, smart and definitely haughty. we have our regular 'debates' at work and i love teasing her. she made A LOT of differences in my life. indirectly. for once, cos of her i'm beginning to have more faith in my religion. n i reali reali owe her a whole load of gratitude. i love her for that. i reali do. she made me realize how forgiving one can b. realized that there's more to life than just what it seems. and i value her words. yeah, i sound as if i like her. yes i do. i admit it. n there's nothing wrong with that. love u loads Dayah. i think u know that already.
so i'll try to continue posting more often. cos i think this blog will be the journal of my life. loads of memories in here. n i can always look back, smile and let the tears roll...
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