heavy heart

i spent the whole of yesterday, with a heavy heart. i couldn't figured it out till the end of the night.

work was as per normal. as soon as i started work, i got this particular feeling that a particular gal might pop out of nowhere. so i kept turning my head left and right while working, and she did actually appeared! scared the shit out of me but hey, she brought smiles upon my face.

so we talked about what was stressing her out and all. she looks pale and tired. and it scares me to see someone i like in that condition. tried my best to help her settle the problems and i do hope i was being a good listener and giving the best advice. she has the sweetest smile.

so we talked at night. and i told her about my feelings towards her. and she explained the reasons y she does not want to get involved right now. yes, i was disappointed. i mean, who wouldn't be upset if the gal u are fond of, dun want to be with u? hahaha! but that's life. and i'm ok. cos love is love. and it can't helped even if its a one sided thing.

i'm the type of guy who doesn't express out his views freely, cos darling, i think of ur feelings too. so here's what i gotta say.

dayah, go pursue the dreams and goals that u have. cos darling, ur youth comes only once in ur life. make use of the time u have right now. and no one should definitely stop or interfere in the chase for ur dreams. yes, those dreams and goals of urs are great. i agree. and which is y i respect u alot. but darling, dun see relationships as a hindrance to sum tings. dun let it affect ur life. dun ever! learn not to! no relationships are without problems, and it is these problems that u find out how strong and well u cope with life. dun ever let that mindset stay in u. cos i did, n it got me nowhere. a fren of mine, a very very close fren of mine, once said that 'dun ever give up on love'. i gave up on it for years now, focused on my life and yeah, my life's doing ok. but wat do i gain from all this? i've yet to answer that question. ya, ur different from me. and i think ur gonna achieve alot of great things. but just go with the flow!

u helped me realized a lot of things. and u never know how much that means to me. to realized how weak i am in my religion, to be more tolerant than ever, to have more faith in God and to trust sum1 again. i view u as someone who can teach me things which i dunno. n of course i love u! but if u think that love is a hindrance now, den its better that we break now. i dunno about u, but i know that it will probably tear me up inside. haha! but i won't show it to u. i'll mask everything and put on my happy face. wateva the fuck is, just know i reali like and love u loads.

and this is probably the last time i tell someone i like her. haha! THE LAST TIME!

so i guess dats y i had a heavy heart yesterday. mayb cos i was bottling my feelings up. go with the flow and we see wat happens. God is great after all...