singapore ain't snowing

its christmas time.

a big shout out to my QM buddies who have ORD.

*LCP Justin Colond Bernard

wassup nigga! haha! always talk cock! justing here n there. haha! man..gonna miss the times when we go crazy. haha! u would always disturb my beauty sleep. n oh yah, ' i am very particular abt my sleep!'. haha! though u fail in ur mission to make thina cry b4 u ORD, rest assured i will pick up after u from now on. haha. see ya bro..all the best in ur future business.

*LCP Huang Xiao Long

chinaman! hailed from one of the provinces in the chinese land. haha! mao zhi dong! haha! this guy has a problem wif his english. n we always take advantage of him regarding it. all the best in china!

*LCP Hermi

the idiot who keeps talking cock all the time. loves to make fun of the other personnels. n yes, dun worry, we'll keep the tradition going. QM will stay crazy as ever. hope u'll get married soon n stop those stupid habits. n be a proper policeman in time to come. enjoy!

*LCP Alvin Foo Kee Leong

dun make fun of his name. haha! this guy is the quietest of the lot. i think he has seen alot of wat the world can offer to someone. the most matured of all. n i think he is one of the most hardworking buggers in QM. hates to b arrowed but willing to do sai kang. man..gonna miss u bro. my bunk mate for half a year. gonna miss ur stupid breakfast ciggies. haha. n those mornings where u book in n smoke in the bloody room. haha! keep on clubbin bro..see ya in sch soon.

missin' the old birds already. QM has evolved tremendously. worried not, kamil n me will go crazy wif them. haha.

was watching a malay programme called 'Hanyut' yesterday. to others mayb its disturbing, but to me, i think i'm used to it. i've been wif those kinda ppl. gangsters, sex crazed maniacs n honey trappers. n so on. used to have a practical buddy who got pregnant. a classmate who got stabbed. seen ppl being beaten up. so wats new? its how cruel life can b. but there always choices. its reali up to u where to choose the rite ones..peace out.

wat do i do from here?

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reality check

am on a very hectic exercise. tired from everything.

my heel hurts alot cos i jumped off a tonner. didn't land properly on my feet. so i guess its the price i gotta pay.

been eating quite alot. no time to run cos i'm on exercise. am waiting for it to end. reali looking forward to it.

a week b4 i bcome a year old soldier.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

Selamat Hari Raya to all the muslims ard the world!!!

completed 30 days of fasting. feel damn good abt it.

this yr, it ain't that cheery. partly cos my late grandma passed away 2 months ago. n mayb cos alot of ppl are pretty busy. black is the colour of the year. n i was wearing it too. food was great. nice to see my family n relatives again. miss ya buggers.

gotta run again. getting fatter! haha!

.::the lights::.

2 more days to go. den its hari raya. yeah!!

its been a cool year though. went to the army n all. amazingly, it did me good. practically a life changing experience. but the freedom isn't there anymore. its slowly strangling my life away. i'm chained to a metal ball. kinda sucks too. ah well, a year to go. nvm, i'll pull thru. am on leave for a whole week! my resting week. haha! abit tired from all the shit that i went thru for the past 3 weeks. urgh!

hari raya is juz ard the corner. n for the 4th year, i managed to fast without skipping a day. congrats zul. a tap on my back. am going to train up sum more. lotsa weight to lose by next year. new year resolution. haha!

have yet to get new shoes. my old shoes are all worn out. but i still like them though. most of my shoes are rarely seen on the streets. haha. that's y i like them. need to get 1 more shirt too! G2000, here i come. puma too! haha!

dropped by to c miss masturah yesterday. sorry dear, cos i didn't manage to talk to u. but its kinda disturbing arr cos whenever i drop by ur outlet, there's surely an idiot who spoils the whole thing. hahaha. imagine, i come in k. den i grab a bottle of mineral water. even b4 i opened the doors of the chiller, sum one comes in shout 'MAS!!!'. free2 kasi aku terkejut. n den he suddenly grabs a drink n stands behind me in the queue. n by the time i get to c u, oh u pretty creature, my face turns upside down liao. y? cos the bugger's talking to u. takde chance nak ckp! haha! n sorry cos i put on a fierce face. bingit arr ade lalat. haha! mayb he's ur fren but hey, its hard for me to even talk to u! hahaha! n yeah, i know that u can sense my feelings too. haha! hence the question abt my expression rite? haha! sorry miss! next time k?

ah..hari raya!! yippeeee!!

the walk down

been to geylang lately? haha! i went to that place yesterday. its different. when i was young, i dread going to that place. the heat, the crowd n the smell. urgh! but now, it seems kinda cool. u get to see lotsa ppl. u bump into old faces. all the food. the sight. its like walking down the memory lane. in case u didn't know, i haven't to geylang for years.

its the fasting month. bulan ramadan. n the funny thing is, gals are dressing up as if its a normal month. wats wrong wif ppl nowadays? its not hard at all. wear sumting that's polite during this month. n if u wanna b naked in dec, go ahead. no one's stopping u. its like a flesh parade in geylang nowadays. gals wanna show they have 'them'. no need to show, guys know that u have 'them' already!! urgh! totally not rite.

hectic life in camp. am juz waiting for february to arrive.

saw an sumting happened last nite. which actuali made me realised a couple of things. i wasn't being a reasonable jackass when i was wif a particular gal. so i'm juz saying sorry for being a jerk, idiot, bastard n so on. but most importantly, sorry for not being there when u were down n out. emotions n zul dun reali mix u know. so i'm sorry miss M!

hari raya is coming. have yet to buy my baju kurung. my shoes. i need new shoes dammit. haha.

yeaps

i know its been quite a long time since i wrote sumting. juz that things are pretty much boring nowadays.

had lotsa guard duties this month. pisses me off. i hate guard duty. reali i do. to the extreme. even thought of going AWOL cos of it. but my sanity has the better of me. thank God. each time its a struggle. haiz!! hate it. but juz gotta do it. lan lan suck thumb.

oh. i am no longer a private. am now a lance corporal. feels kinda good. haha! an insurance i guess. in case anything happens, they can juz strip me off my rank without charging me. hopefully nothing like that will happen.

fasting month has come. so my body's pretty much dormant. hasn't been running as much lately. n i know i'm getting lazy. next week, i'm gonna run 5km each day. juz b4 breaking my fast. need to control my diet too. been eating too much these days. haiz!

went out to seoul garden too! wif my mandai hill buddies. funny shit! saw a few of my ITE frens too! 1 of them even shriek out in glee when she saw me! she shouted 'SIAAAAAAAAL LAAAH! TU DIA?? DAH KURUS SAAAAK!!!'. haha. everyone was staring at her. dropped my water face. haha. n no, i've got a long way to go. but i'm taking it slowly. n hopefully by next year, i'll b having a healthier body.

masturah, i miss u. y still so down? i'm still here rite? so put away ur sorrow n juz smile wif me. yeah! do nothing n juz smile wif me. haha! hey, wateva it is, u know i'm behind u rite? so chill gal. luv ya.

where's my lovely sis? miss siti azura? 1 more month b4 attachment ends!! muz b happy rite? haha! yeah, i'll b at ur bday sis!

see that green guy? he's exactly like me. i turn into a monster when i explode. but rarely happens. that's the ugly me. same goes to the guy in the pic. exactly. next year, i'll b a malay hulk. haha!

me.him.lotsa stuff in common. 

.+:+cos its you n me+:+.

am coping well now. been almost 3 weeks since grandma left us. n so much has happened. after her funeral, i ran 8km. the last 2 rounds were painful. tears were rolling down my cheeks n sumhow, i feel as if she's smiling down at me. i miss u grandma n i pray dat ur watching over me n guiding me to b a better bugger. God bless ur soul.

ran my AHM. n i feel good abt it. running 6.9km. wif thousands of singaporeans. haha. jam packed. beautiful morning. n nothing beats running on a beautiful day. its a pretty cool feeling to run along the benjamin sheares bridge wif ppl cheering u on. looking forward to the run again next year. hopefully, i'll b ready for the 12km.

i'm starting to enjoy staying in camp. though at times, boredom reigns, but its still better den going home n think abt stuff. sumhow it has become my escape from my problems. yes, i do think abt stuff in camp but whenever i need sum time for myself, i can juz lock the store n wonder. 13 more months to go.

miss masturah, u seem to come n go in my life. i find it very strange. i would usually try to avoid messaging u n stuff cos i reali reali dun wanna feel anything for u. but its juz sooo hard. especially when u sms me suddenly. i dunno y i'm feeling for u n i dun understand y. i wanna run away from u cos i dun wanna feel this love kinda shit. cos u would say that we can't b together. God knows y. if only can switch places for one day arr. den u'll know. baru padan muka!! see how it feels like to keep missing someone everyday. stressful. and sorry abt the prank call. was juz missing ur voice. ain't the police but juz a mandai hill soldier. haha. n ppl, can u pls ask this gal y she dun wanna have lunch or dinner wif me?? n mas, if ur reading this, can u pls tell us the reason? cos ur attached? attached but available? single but not available? single? double? triple? mcm burger! haha! ANSWERS!!

wonder how my sis is doing. she said she's been rather busy these days. nvm azura, one of these days, we'll meet up wif the rest of the gang. barry's in tekong now. heard that alot of shit happened in there. hahaha. funny stuff. haiz..i miss my frens. love their crap. soon man, once i ORD, its hello Temasek Poly! hello rugby! hello FREEDOOOOOM!!

that which does not 'break' you today, only serves to 'make' you tomorrow...

|+|+|+|bottom of every bottom|+|+|+|

not in camp today. sumthing unexpected happened. n i'm feeling very very lost.

was abt to book in last nite. ard 9.20pm. my dad called n broke the news to me. he said 'zul, kau kat mana? dah sampai camp eh? eh..nenek meninggal. dia baru meninggal tadi!'. those words. unbelievable words. i stopped dead in my tracks. in the middle of the goddamn road. n all i could say was 'ok, zul try amik leave untuk besok!'.

my grandma passed away at 2107hrs. that's 9.07pm. i attended her funeral today n for a moment i feel that i'm lost. i watched her forlorn face while praying for her. she looked so peaceful. n its a wonderful thing to see her in that state. u see, she was bedridden for 7 years. fell down n couldn't move till the day she left us. but that didn't break her. each time i visit her, she would look at me n made sum gestures to acknowledge me. n i can see the sparkle of happiness in her eyes whenever she sees her grandchildren visiting her. she's a fighter i tell u. n to eagle coy ppl, it runs in the blood. now u know y i'm a chiongster.

couldn't help crying over the loss of someone dear to me. to see her finally going to a better place. her funeral opened my eyes to certain questions i've never posed myself to. y this? y that? y her? y me? so many things to ask. n only in time, God will show me the answers. n to my grandma, may u rest in peace. i've always loved u. on this sunday, i dedicate my AHM run to u. love u always.

/\_-sky high-_/\

God. Oh my God.

last week was crazy. from monday till wednesday, i was on ration party. had to wake up at 4.30am n work till 10pm. damn shit. went to pasir laba camp cos we gotta send rations. damn tiring. got to meet my cousin though. damn u..in ATEC coy. haha! lucky ass..flying overseas so damn frequently. haha!

yesterday was damn damn gila. i ran 10km. aku lari 10km. non stop. for the first time, a fat fuck running 10km non stop. u should have seen me. a rhino down at east cost park running non stop. panting n puffing. couldn't care less wat the fucked up world think. i juz ran. i completed it. an hour! amazing. it takes alot to run non stop. it takes even more for a fat fuck to run 10km. soon. its there. juz waiting.

||||break_free||||

this week. slack week. maaaaan...i got like 2 half days n a public holiday! haha! ended up slacking at home!

monday was ok. a half day due to my brigade's games day. we set up water points n the refreshments. lotsa fruits! especially bananas. hahaha! yeah..went bananas! played street soccer n scrapped my knee. damn medic applied alcohol prep on the wound n it stings like hell!! freaking hell..

tues was national day. same ol' thing. except that they showcased the different units n vehicles of the 3 main military groups. sure, the police n civil defence get better pay n their jobs are abit relax but sumhow the army kick ass. the cool vehicles, the sophisticated equipment to infiltrate the enemies, the suits and camou that we put on are juz some of the things that u can't get if ur one of the the boys in blue or CD buggers. n yes, we get shitty pay. hahaha. 16 more months to go.

changed of bunk too. from 4 men to 10 men. kinda sucks. i reali like my small bunk. the less ppl in it, the better. haha. ran a total of 11km only. slacking arr.

yesterday, met up wif my former section IC, PTE Sree Manee Raaj! we meet up every saturday for runs. we ran 6km ard the damn tracks!! amazing! manee's a fast idiot though he's big! dunno y..he's runner n mayb i'm juz a lifter. i dun run for speed. i run for distance. hahaha. good job bro, sum day we'll whack 10km. n once we hit that mark, we'll b up there. soon bro..soon.

like the nike ad. gotta break free. run wif no limits. n when my weaker side tells me to stop cos i've bcome fitter, i'll tell him to sit back n watch me bcome greater. the day is there, its juz waiting for me reach it.

.:.:.:*reminiscence*:.:.:.

am feeling damn sick. down wif fever in fact. sore throat, runny nose n the works. hate it big time. haha. ain't gonna work for the time being. risky. too many NSFs are dying. so..better be safe den sorry. sounds like a goddamn condom slogan.

anyway, last week was stupid. we had cohesion day on friday. played bowling in the morning. now, u dun get to see me play bowling often. rarely. rarely, as in once a very very blue moon. come to think of it, i've played bowling only twice in my whole life. haha! yes, it is a boring game. BUT! but it require sum practice b4 u get the hang of it. its not that easy actuali. imagine a rugger like me, who uses raw brawn to steal the ball from opponents in rugby matches, picking up a bowling ball n straddle up b4 finally bowling it towards the pins. not so zul at all. haha. but its a graceful game. the way the bowlers pick up the ball. hold it close to their chest as if its the most precious crystal ball. aligned their bodies to get centre of the lane. eyes, ever so concentrating on the pins. n when they start the 'soft' jog, time seems to froze. n b4 u know it, u can hear the sound of the ball crashing into the pins. ah..like fury unleashed.

been running alot lately. i hate running actuali. to the extreme. but gotta do it for my body's sake. hopefully, am going down bit by bit. still got a whole year for me. stay in the diet n keep on running. its a slow process. at times, frustrating. but heck, for my own good.

surprisingly, i got an sms from miss masturah last thurs. been a long time since i last heard from her. gal, u make me worry. hey, i understand. relax. juz hope that ur doing ok n all. 4yrs ago, i was there for u. n now 4 yrs later, i'm still here for u. am proud by the decisions u've made. n i hope u make good use of the time u have. at times, i am jealous at how ur able to cope wif stuff n all. a super woman. haha. anyway, hope u will take care n i'll drop by to see once in awhile.

went out wif my sec sch frens last sunday. had a blast. though i was quiet most of the time. guess i was sorta down that day. dunno y. i juz feel tired. its nice to see u guys again. miss azura, my sis! hahaha! yes dear, u do look good in pink. the sweetest gal ever. haha. the princess of 4E3. ramok!! ahah! a sgt also! from 3rd Guards. bro..ur looking good sia. u n sakthi are looking damn well. barry, u goddamn civilian. i hope when u enter army next month, they will smack u good! haha! u know, ur a great guy to hang out wif. better train up for hell next month. n my best bro of all, private hilmi. no need to say lah. i know u inside out. n vice versa. hahaha! too well already. oh yah, got extra can passing or not!! wah liao...keep to urself sia!

woke this morning. saw an ad abt national day. yes, national day is ard the corner. the ad was cool. shows a couple of old photos. ppl of yesterday. n den a clip showing ppl of today wif the same pose. cool stuff. reminiscing. n den, it hit me. i asked myself, when i look back 40 yrs down the road, would i b proud of my old self? true, the fact that i've done some stupid stuff and the things i've gone thru. but at the same time, i believe that i was never a reali bad guy at all. my parents brought me up well enuff. n i know my priorities. my rights n wrongs. though at times, i tend to follow my bad side, i still know my limits. n at this point of my life, where i'm trying to b fit n shed a few kilos, i feel that i'm reaching the peak of physical self. to leave my old fat self behind n come out as a leaner guy. it feels good in fact. n yes, i have to admit. that when i look back at my past, i found myself tearing. n sumhow, i know i'm proud of myself. n nothing else matters. ask urself this, are u proud of urself?

of gangsters, tiger/baron and holding cells...

let me see..my blog's getting dormant. haha. abit lazy these few weeks. picking up myself.

anyway, things are pretty well now. i am now officially a storeman. combat storeman. haha. no such vocation actuali. but since i have to go outfield too, might as well call myself a combat storeman. finished up my course last week. the most boring course i've ever been to. dunno why the hell i was there. haha. no use at all. but hey, the instructors were great. simply great. amazing. they were funny and knows how to handle us. its hard to get these kinda instructors. hats off to sgt alex, cheong, dhevan n rangit. not to forget master sidek, ahad, warrant kumar n somu. sgt dhevan, master sidek n ahad, warrant kumar, u guys were the best. almost burst my stomach due to all the stupid jokes. let me tell u y:

master sidek: btul tak wan?
wan: huh?
master sidek: ape huh huh? tutup mulut kau tu! kenapa? kau nak hisap aku punya konek pe!!

sgt dhevan: do u know that this class is haunted?
class: huh? sure or not sergeant?!!
sgt dhevan: yes..of course! this class has spirits. look at that guy. there he goes! see..concuss!!
class: huh? sgt..the guy's sleeping lah!
sgt dhevan: dey!! thambi! wake up! knn..muz get ppl to 'cleanse' n bless this place again lah!!

warrant kumar: ok..now all the locks have been changed!! u know wat lock is it? PANG..u know?
pang: long time ago already.
warrant kumar: HUH?? LONG TIME AGO?
pang: yeah..long time ago.
warrant kumar: DEY!! ARE U IN THE SAME FREQUENCY OR NOT?
pang: long time ago..change already.
warrant kumar: HUH?? WAT ARE U TALKING ABT? ARE U OK OR NOT?

hahaha...cocks man. the things i experience. hahah! funny man. from ppl watching porn at the back of the class to ppl going AWOL during a course. crazy stuff. nonetheless, i've passed my storeman course. 2nd best in class. am proud of it. mandai hill camp!!

am going to thailand in september. syiok arr!! but i know i'm gonna end up being a dog over there. there's sumthing abt me. i juz love to experience stuff. going thailand n being a slave. its cool. as long as i get to see the guys chiong in the field. good enuff. will do my part. thailand..here i come!! wonder how the hookers over there are..hahaha!

back from guard duty this morning. sucks arr. hate it to the core. i juz hate guard duty. truly hate it. dunno y. man...i'm not cut out for guard duty. dun give a damn. but the ppl i do wif..comes from different backgrounds. ppl from DB, CP and hold up cells. who use to beat up ppl, fite wif parangs n machetes, drink n get drunk. being rowdy in the past n repent once they are out. i respect this ppl. always interesting to hear their past. yeah. i respect them. y? cos they been thru alot to realise wat they do is actuali wrong. they tell me that its high time they change. n i think they've matured alot more faster than normal ppl. the way they think n do stuff. its called street smart. something which u can't get from books. survival. being street smart is survival. am learning lotsa stuff in the army. its cool. but at times. army juz sucks. haha.

busy week coming up. lotsa stuff to do. been running alot. wanna lose this tummy. dun care. i've made up my mind. no more tummy at the end of this year. fark lah. lets get it on. wanna get babes n play them out. hahaha. heart breaker sia. no lah. u guys know that i'm not like that rite. but hey..sekali i reali bcome one. hahaha.

prowler to guard..end of entry.

bored.

life as a storeman is goddamn boring. the work is simply too boring. there's no life to it. everyday i wake up, go for breakfast n changed to smart 4 for the day. den i go for roll call and start working. i will open ops box n do maintenance.

boring. yes.

but the ppl are nice n funny. very funny bunch. get to go places. hoping for thailand late this year. pls let me go! hahaha! n the time we have for ourselves at nite. pretty much rocks. free time after 5pm. allows me to run n stuff.

checked my weight. i lost only 1kg after POP. damn. that shows i've put on weight during the blocked leave. ah well, i'm 13kg away from my target. once i reach it, i'll b damn happy. am waiting for pay day. supplements running out. n so is my dough! hahaha...

gotta lose weight. clear ippt. get those silver dollars!!

closed.

no mood to write abt stuff. feeling rather sad. utterly sad. broken. yes. a more appropriate word. broken. juz like the song by amy lee n seether.

am booking in later on. dunno if miss kamil's gonna book in tonite or tmrw. personally, i dun find it a hassle staying in. even though there's nothing to do at nite, i can juz sit back n relax. dunno y kamil's going bonkers. ain't that bad anyway. borrowed a couple of books. terry brooks' mostly. so i can spend time reading the books at nite. should start praying again. life in bmt, didn't actuali provide much time to pray.

me n her. its not gonna work out. so i said my goodbyes n left. personally, its reali tearing me apart. but den again, i'm old enuff to go thru shit like this. hey, maturity lah dey. gimme time n i'll b ok. should concentrate more on training myself up. sum tings juz can't b forced rite? so carry on living n make the best of the time u have. i juz wanna wake up to each day n do everything properly, run that laps n pump those reps. so b4 i sleep each nite, i can tell myself that i've lived up to my expectations.

so buck up zul. run that 5km. pump those 20kg curls. dun stop till the pain from those trainings exceed the pain that love can give. to God, pride and honour. i promise i'll b freaking fit storeman. fark u medics who are reading this. hahaha. freaking druggers. injecting syringes into ur body. damn u. hahahaha. that silver is gonna b mine. trust me. its mine.

++ace of spade++

2 SIB. the 2nd singapore infantry brigade. or the ace brigade as they called. thats where i've been posted to. of all vocations, as a storeman.

an RQ who's a commando. a brigade commander who's a commando. n where all the storemen are small in size. storemen who could actually get gold for IPPT. amazing. i feel out of place down there. n so begins my training regime.

the first day of reporting. 0715 hours, kamil n i arrived at mandai hill camp. we changed our 11Bs for temp passes. abit of a hassle but we got it done. den we saw our huge the camp was. freaking massive. there are like 9 other units down there. the recce team, the signals bugger, the shooting contingent n few others. wtf. we are suppose to take care of the stores for all these ppl. haiz. not to mention to tend the armskote also! urgh!!

we got lost in the urban concrete maze. we ended up at the 6 DIV HQ. so we decided to ask a reliable looking old man. den i stood there open mouthed. not to ask but in shock. bcos kamil called the guy 'uncle'. ok ladies n gentlemen, that was a very big mistake. assumptions. especially in the army. juz bcos there's a guy wearing CV, doesn't mean he's a civilian. he could b a WO, MAJ or even a GEN. so the old man took a deep breath n showed us the way. while we were walking, i burst out laughing. n told kamil, that the old man is probably a warrant. n kamil freaked out. hahaha.

given a bunk n went of for orientation. apparently, there were alot of stores to b take care of. haiz. the places we need to know. how the procedure is like. n so on. boring. freaking boring. we did almost nothing over the next 4 days. haiz. the ppl over there dun teach u stuff. they are too nice to scold us. i'm not used to this kinda life. slacking life. 6 mths of shit bmt n i'm told to slack now. urgh. cannot. am reali looking forward to the exercises that these infantry hounds are gonna have. can't wait to see the cool weapons n stuff. haha.

ran 9.4km this week. was running 3.2km everyday. am trying to run 5km comfortably. hopefully by july or august i can make it. haha. am bringing weights in on sunday. when i'm bored, i can always pump iron. haha. but gonna spread out my training. cos the gym's available everyday. we'll see how. gonna b on protein shakes till my next pay. yeah, i'm gonna eat lunch n stuff..but lesser. hopefully can lose weight. need exercise mat n pants for booking out. other stuff too. haha. enjoy. life of an ace brigadier is pretty good when there's nothing to do but once the exercise begins, its helluva time. hahaha. lets get it on.

unsure for sure

damn damn unsure of wats gonna happen tmrw. freaking me out.

was packing my bags a couple of hours ago. lotsa stuff playing thru my mind. funny n stupid stuff. so many memories. maaaan, 6 months of bmt. we are the champs. no one can beat us. but tmrw, is a new begining for eagle 1. of medics n storemen. majority will b going to nee soon camp. whilst the rest of us will b scattered in different camps all ard singapore. eagle warriors, juz chill to wats gonna come our way. we are the sai kang kings. n no matter wat shit they throw at us, keep in mind that we've been there n done that.

as for me, i've always hated sai kang. tears flowing when i thought abt my future. everything's uncertain. its unsure for sure! for all u know, i'll turn to a fat fuck once again. n trust me, its reali scary. to know that u've lost 24kg n damn unsure if its gonna return again. and so, on this very day. the 12th of june 2006, i will make a promise to myself that if i dun reach 85kg at the end of this year. n if i dun meet that target at all, den i am nothing but a goddamn loser. this i can promise u. cos trust me baby, its hard for me to break promises.

oh yah, mas, if ur reading this, our promise ends in abt 18 more months. its been 6 months since we made the deal and u know that i'm gonna win. that's for sure. u know it n i know it. hahaha. n i've been asking u out for god knows..how long..more den a year? n ur still busy. haha. damn, i'm dat patient! ah well..we'll c how it goes.

6 months. reasonable time. reasonable target. FAT FUCK NO MORE LAH!!! ccb..fuck fast food n all the shit. hahaha. baron's strongman challenge. here i come.

||store galore||

tmrw i will b going to my new vocation. as a storeman. yes. it sucks knowing that ur gonna b a storeman. but as in the words of my fren, pvt adnan, its hatred we have to love. haha.

posted to mandai hill camp. 1st SIB. lotsa outfield. guess i'll b dining out wif my fella storemen and eating rations all the way. BURP! ok..delicacies aside. the things i gotta do? i'm under General Equipment. meaning, i have to handle everything. from jerry cans to counting ration packs. but no worries, wif the help of the infantry dogs, i'll probably get things done in a jiffy. hey, INFANTRY leh. haha.

kinda missing my platoon mates. yes bros, we'll meet up regularly and complain how much we hate our vocations. haha! eagle 1. of medics n storemen.

24 hours away. soon to recce my future camp. need to know how to get here. haha! quite near lah. hope its not of too much trouble.

wah liao..masturah. miss u lah.

loading...

had a great bbq down at east coast yesterday. met up wif few of my platoon mates. eagle 1. the ones that can click actuali. haha. chic wings, sausages, crabsticks, noodle and titbits. great food, great ppl and great place. fantastic RnR.

eating alot these few days. loading phase lah. hahaha! been few months since i had these kinda things. i haven't tasted chocs for almost 2 months till last nite! haha! ice cream? god knows how long it has been! too much free time lah. plus somehow..time seems to b flying by too quickly. reading again. terry brooks! haha! i luv fantasy, magical and such stuff. haha!

met up wif my old sec sch frens on sunday. azura, hilmi, nahar n barry!! maaaaan..its been a loooog time!!! azura came down wif kay. cool bugger anyway. hahaha! enjoy arr bro, ORD liao. not like us. damn government dogs. haha! missed those times in sec sch. yeah..like wat my sis said, we've grown up but still the same ol' buggers. the bond is still strong even after all these years. talked cock. hahaha! great way to relax lah. oh yah sis, doing my part lah eh..so STOP FREAKING SMOKING!!!! haha..like female dragon sia! hahahaha! stop it, hop onto the fitness bandwagon wif me. hahaha! missin' ya sis...

she's in KL. wah liao..missin' her like mad. hahaha! i wish she would juz b mine. i'll take care of her good. haiz. i wish she wouldn't b soooo stubborn!! ahaha! hey mas, if ur reading this, smile leh!! i like u alot leh! ya ya..i know i siao cos i'm saying this online. but if i say it rite in front of u, i think u'll blushed leh..hahah! or at most u'll b quiet n call me siao again. yes ppl..she loves calling me siao. hahaha! dunno y..but then again, she's also a crazy gal. hahaha! i think she likes me..hahahahaha!

no more loading phase. time to get back on the tracks. trying to go for a 10km run. non stop that is. hope to lose alot more. God pls dun let me be lazy. i wanna get a smaller waist. hahaha! loving my upper body though. thank u God. lets go.

**private moments**

its been 6 months. pure hell. pure fun. simply precious moments. unforgettable stuff.

i've passed out from tekong. finally. but somehow, i ain't feeling happy. for the only person who was there through out the whole training phase, i guess i should b. its like being thrown into a room, wif 11 other ppl for 6 months. den pushing them to their physical limit. suddenly after 6 months, u separate them and throw them different vocations. yes, i feel happy. more of the relieve side. somehow, the uncertainties are there. where will b? will i b able to cope? to carry out the tasks? who are my new frens? where are my section mates whom i've been wif for 6 months? so many questions, nobody to answer.

to my section mates, i know i'm gonna miss u guys. though there are some lazy maggots, i guess i'm still gonna miss u ppl. when i first came in, i looked around. i have zero confidence in you ppl. the way u ppl act and stuff. couldn't believe it that some of u ppl are actuali in the army. dunno if u ppl can cope wif the trainings. den as the days go by, u guys have proven to me that section 1 will always live up to its reputation. the fittest among the unfittest. yes, even when we are short of men, we make sure we get the job done. a tribute to my section. i'm proud of u guys.

to recruit sharif, i consider u to b my best section mate. we've seen each other break. i've seen u breaking ur own damn limit. proudest of u. think back bro, 10 years down the road, u'll remember u've done the 16km route march even though ur about to fall. i take my hats off to u. u would juz keep quiet and do it. i know u would b complaining in ur heart but the way u do it, is truly amazing. if there was a best section mate award, u'll win it bro. hands down. i wish u all the best for ur future vocation n do keep in touch.

recruit manee, bed 1 of section 1. though i've beaten u upteem times in combat shit, i still look up on u whenever it comes to running and endurance shit. ur part of team black magic and seriously, ur team is truly magical. u've shown me that fat bastards can reali run. n have done my section proud. yes, at times we dun respect u as section ic. but trust me, most of the times we reali do appreciate wat u've done. do call me up sometimes, we can hang out together bro.

rec msw, the kid of platoon 1. i hope ur growing through out ur experience in NS. i respect u, cos u went thru NS without the support of ur family. wif ur family in Brunei n u in Singapore alone, its reali amazing how u did it. so young yet i think ur quite capable. sometimes, ppl do make mistakes and its not wrong to admit. learn not to win in every situation. sorry cos u've got one of the worse buddy. i hope i've done my part as the 'other' buddy to help u ease the jobs that u have. look up kid and show the world wat u can reali do.

to tan seng sim, the loud mouth of platoon 1. never met a guy so talkative n able to carry 'balls' like u. ur funny, witty n fast thinking. at times u make fun of situations at the wrng time. its best to shut up sometimes. thank u for being there wif me when we chiong. making my time in tekong fun. i extend my hand as brother to u. i know ur gonna miss us and we are gonna miss u big time.

to rec soffri, my cambodian bro. its sad to see u break apart when u get ur status. chiongsters dun care abt that. we chiong cos we want to. not cos of sum status. believe in urself and not the army system. its nice to get to know u better bro. though we went to the same school b4, its better to know u in camp. the days when we chiong together, when we were an unbeatable pair were truly unforgettable. u motivated me and pushed me on. for that i thank u. i hope i've done my part as well. i know when i grow old n have kids, i will b able to c them enlisting too. n when they are in camp, i'll b proud to tell them about u. taking u as an example of my best platoon mate, my bro and my fren. i know i'm gonna miss ya, keep in touch bro.

yes, i am crying when i'm typin this. 6 months of no status. its tiring. very very tiring. the pain i've endured. i'll b proud to tell ppl i went thru ALL the shit. i was there for every single training. for every single punishments. for every single proudest moments of my life. i've amazed my own self. never thought i could do it. i thank God for giving me the health to carry on every single time. chiongster. garang. FS. fit. crazy. 50 cents. dats wat they are calling me.

i am unsure of the future but i do know that i'm missing my section n platoon already. my sergeants n all. wat is this feeling that i have? for its making tears flowing down my cheeks...

1 week

back from camp. late though.

was suppose to back home early saturday morning. but due to the SIT test personnels, we had to book out on saturday evening. oh well..as long as i get to book out den its ok. brought back my stuff from camp. a week left b4 i POP. its been a hell of a ride.

did my IPPT last week. passed 2 out of 5 stations. standing broad jump, pull ups n 2.4km...the elusive ones. soon. pretty soon i'll whack the standing broad jump shit. den the 2.4km run. finally the pull ups. am gonna go one notch up this week. OTOT till i go flat.

had my trench digging too. was basically digging ur own personal grave. a place where u can shoot at enemies n where enemies shoot u, n u die in ur very own self dug grave. hell..the shell scrape was damn cosy too! hahaha! tiring stuff. took alot out of me. blisters n sore on my hands.
amazing stuff.

went to visit masturah. for the very first time..i stood there for almost 2 hours. she's going thru a bad time. very very bad time. n i'm so lost. feeling helpless n useless. God, if ur feeling my pain, do feel hers too. help her to overcome this challenge u threw. help me to see the solution to her problems. for no one else can i go to, but U.

1 more week. been thru 25. am thankful. to God, thank u for bringing the best out of me. ur are my saviour.

bring it on. bismillah.

2 W.E.E.K.S

hey hey hey..

2 more weeks to go. am quite hyper abt it.

guess wat. i've been upgraded to C1L1. still got chance for combat vocation. though i hate the jungle.

16km route march on friday. from 4pm till 9.30pm. it was damn tiring. too tired n got irritated by the songs n so on. its juz me. i hate it when ppl talk too much. i thank God for giving me the strength to carry on. it was amazing. though only 11 ppl went. wif 7 eligible recruits n 4 volunteered C9L3, we managed to persevere. the experience of a life time. i'm proud to have done it.

did my BIC too. battle innoculation course. amazing. had to leopard crawl like mad. back crawl like an animal too. the funny thing is..i made it thru in super fast speed. even my sgt major was impressed. God has helped me alot. my strength comes from Him. finished first in BIC n BAC. i've done it.

thru out all these stupid courses i went thru, i kept forcing myself to do it for her n my body. praying to God to give me the strength i need. she's my inspiration n motivation. i dunno wat i am without her support thru out my BMT shit. thanks mas.

its juz 2 weeks away. gotta get thru this. though i'm gonna b tired but i know at the end of the 2 weeks, i got 4 whole days to myself. worth it. worth every single effort i put in. thank u God.

WHAM!!

3 more weeks to P.O.P!!

cleared my field camp. no more rubber trees. heat in the forest. 3/4 of the day wif helmet n SBO. no more. clear liao!

on the last day of field camp, there was a turn out. at 4.30am, the first thunderflash was thrown. followed by another. den blanks were shot up in the air. the booming voice being heard thru a loud hailer. it was a turn out. luckily, most of us had been expecting this shit. we had packed our field packs nicely and as soon as the first thunderflash was heard, most of us were already up. alot of rushing here n there. but we made it thru.

lotsa pics taken during field camp. haha. memories of Eagle 1.

BAC was next. didn't expected it to b DAT dirty.

we had to apply BCCT on a couple of targets while clearing a few obstacles. like barb wire and zig zag zinc. leopard crawls, back crawls n not to mention the idiotic baby crawl. crawling on the muddy and VERY sand surface was terrible. but the best part was venting everything out onto the dummies. it was cool. the best thing ever. being able to shout n whack wif everything u got. the last dummy received a good one from me. the last thing u wanna c is a titan running towards u wif a rifle.

16km route march next week. god knows how i'm gonna go thru it. headache arr. not to mention alot of aches to come. BIC is next too. grenade technical handling n stuff. 3 more weeks. juz 3 more.

oh..damn the M.O for giving me a C1L9. all the 5 months i undergo without falling out or reporting sick..its all like wasted. down the drain. but fuck it. i won't let sum dumb M.O let me down. i'm gonna show him dat i'm a goddamn PES B. fark. bring it on.

3 more weeks. lets go.

back to civilisation

the worse week of my BMT phase. totally worse.

booked in on sunday. den route march on tuesday. 12km route march. surprise, surprise. the person leading us is none other den, our dear ol' CSM. the crazy guy took us on a 12km route march which almost lead to the failure of my legs. we were practically running during the first 2km! imagine running wif an additional load of 16kg on ur body. it gets worse when ur heart is meant for an 80kg body but instead its in a 100kg body. goddamn it. totally mad. i got blisters during the first 2km.

the blisters tore open once we completed the route march. everyone was sooo tired. i was over heating. dunno y but my body heats up too fast. we had to change for lunch straight away!

wed was field camp. the ultimatum. set up concertina wire n iron picket. its crazy lah. helmets n SBO have to be on almost every single time. kept feeling giddy n groggy. cos of the damn helmet. had the chance to shoot blanks. cool stuff. doing section movement n stuff. aggression to the core. almost fainted a couple of times but thank god, i managed to hold on.

once field camp was over on friday, we rushed back to the coy line. its freaking amazing how nice to see buildings again instead of trees. dun get me wrong. i love nature. but nature n military apparels dun reali match. once we cleaned up, i took my temperature. den i realised thru out my field camp, i was having high fever. the temperature i took was 40.3 degrees. amazing. i can be so stupid at times.

hey sis, sorry for not replying to ur sms on time. was out field arr. dun get all teary. pls dun. cos the rite one will come soon. u made the rite decision n dun regret it. juz get busy and u'll soon realise dat ur gonna b feeling better. time heals everything. its true. relax and take things in ur stride ya!!

dunno lah. me n mas. i'm on the verge of juz going isolation. giving up everything lah. i think i'll die a lonely man. she's so stubborn. haha. learnt how to b stubborn from her too.

long weekend. take the chance to sleep n rest. body's a bit heaty now due to the fever. feeling abit high sum times. if i dun wake up tmrw, tell mas i love her. hahaha! n to EAGLE 1, 4 more weeks to POP!!!!!!

fuck it. 4 weeks. lets go. break me now.

back to camp /\````\

booking in today. feeling lethargic.

went out to beach road yesterday. wif a platoon mate of course. we went to get a couple of things for the upcoming field camp. bought zip locks, prickly heat powder, torch n many other stupid things. hahaha. had fun talking cock wif him.

dropped by my ol' working place down at bugis. miss my 'mothers' over there. yeah, wat they say is true. i once said dat i can't wait to enter army cos working is tiring. den they said once i enter army, i will miss working. n its true. went to eat chicken rice n tom yam over there. nice! been a long time since i ate such food. haha! decided to dropped by 7-11 n visit dear ol' masturah. since i'm dropping by, i decided to buy her sumthing to eat. she said dat her hair looks funny. dun think so my dear. it looks juz fine, especially wif dat pretty face of urs.

went to buy a few other things too. my briefs n a stack of paper for my printer. went back n did sum weights training.

going to the jungle for 3 days. hectic week ahead. booking in today.

((+)) WATCH YOUR FRONT ((+))

back from 1 week of hell.

did E.T run for the very first time after slacking for a few weeks. my sprinting has gone down. softened. weakened. time for me to buck up. for the very first time in my whole life, i did 15 reps of diamond push ups. DIAMOND. goddamn hardest of em' push ups. i believed i've pushed myself beyond my limits. from juz 10 reps in the past, i've managed to break the damn limit n went up 5 more reps. amazing.

range was hell. the humid weather. the boredom. the noise. the ppl. n most damn thing of all, the sleep deprivation.

we had to wake up at 4.30am n fall at 5.15am. from there we went for breakfast n draw arms immediately. n without a due, we went straight to the range. trust me, it sucks. the day stretched from 4.30am till 2am on the very next day. almost 24 hours down there. hearing gun shots. ppl shouting n chattering at the utmost noisiest level. it was a nite mare.

for 3 straight days. we practiced firing under the influence of sleep deprivation. sum gone fuck while others can still make it. me? i'm still there. though i reali hate sleep deprivation. it makes my mind go haywire. on the 3rd day, we had our test. n i passed. i passed shooting a rifle wif live rounds. n i excel during the day shoot. so dun mess ard wif me during the day.

my sis, azura, having quite a problem. juz like me. headache arr sis. this kinda thing reali sucks. puts us in a spot eh? haiz..problematica. haha! ah well..juz take it slow. follow the flow n time will tell. keep on smilin' ya sis. missin' ya!

5 more weeks to go. i am gonna miss my platoon mates though i find them irritating. i'm gonna cry when i pass out from tekong. trust me, cos i went thru 6 months of hell. n i did not fall out once or took status. even when i had fever, flu, cough, headache n watever shit there is to affect my performance, i sucked it in n went thru the training. n i thank God for giving me the determination to push myself. never knew i could make it thru. without u God, wat am i. n to masturah, thanks for being there. though i probably won't know where its going now btwn the both of us. n i still miss u. ah..team Fajar. bros n sister for life. am loving all of u.

5 weeks. pray for me.

= ghost walker =

was so tired! reali reali tired. even though there were no hard activity but still..haiz.

went for my IMT shooting. passed it. got ard 75% hits on target. unofficially, i am a marksman. haha! cleared IMT n now waiting for range. gonna b stressful. hope i can hit most of the target wif my rifle. oh yah, gave my M16 rifle a name. called it Mas II. haha!

finally when outfield last week. spent most of the time playing in the jungle. learning how to camou n the the field craft. pricked my fingers n had my neck scratched by thorns when we were asked to camouflage ourselves in the wild. i look damn fierce wif camou on sia. violent. haha!

had nite combat training too. dats where we learn to work as a team. nothing less, only more. learnt how to ghost walk. haha! its scary shit when u can't see ur enemy. can't wait to finish field camp!! so i can POP!!! tekong's a nitemare!

so many things happening. yet i am able to relate a few. strangely yesterday was the most craziest day. i went out alone. walking wandering. was thinking of masturah. she's having one of the toughest time in her life now. n there r so many things which she shouldn't b doing rite now. it hurts to much to know the one u love, is having a difficult time. and ur juz there, dunno wat to do cos she's not opening up to u. u can't do much cos ur in camp. it juz hurts so much. i reali pray dat she's able to cope wif everything. she's a super woman n i hope she can pull thru. sorry baby cos i can't b there for most of the the time. but i can ALWAYS b on time whenever u need me. am so missin' u.

6 more book outs b4 i POP. i hope masturah can make time for dinner wif me when i POP liao.

from 6 months to 6 weeks. its a huge transformation. n everyone can't wait to POP. field camp? range? all the other shit? bring it on. cos i know i'll always have her by my side.

canadian bull target

back from camp again. blardy crazy week of stuff.

had our 8km route march. madness. madness i tell u. everything was ok until we reached the last 2km. dats y i almost fell out. lotsa stuff going thru ur mind when ur tired. as if someone's telling u to juz tap out. but i held on n finished the goddamn distance.

the coolest stuff was IMT. our rifle shooting simulation lesson. cool stuff! shooting at a target of 25m n 100m. BANG!! BANG!! woohoo! hopefully i can go for the marksmanship award!

went out wif zul to beach road yesterday cos i reali needed a name tag for one of my uniforms. haven't been there for some time. they have the coolest shit for outdoor life. bags..bottles..anything for the rugged. den met up wif nahar to watch 'Be Cool'. the movie's ok. abit funny. but i think should've watched 'Spanglish' instead. heard dat my sis, azura, passed her exams. congrats sis! ya..i'll try out the mocha villa soon! enjoy urself thru out the week ya!

she asked me y i never gave up on her. y should i? i'm a simple guy looking for a simple gal. she said she's not pretty. but hey, i'm the one looking rite? n in my eyes, she is gorgeous. she said she's stubborn. well, am i not stubborn too? hahaha! no one's perfect so i can't b her mr perfect. but the least i could b is her mr good. if u reali like someone, u would give ur best juz to make them smile. i dun need a supermodel, a celebrity or a goddamn gorgeous gal by my side. i juz want her.

am going to run more often now. 2 more months to go. i wanna go off from tekong wif a greater size reduction den now. god help me. its time for me to buck up or b fucked up.

100 push ups. 200 crunches. 2.4km. go.

my warcry..

i sat here. back from camp. tough week of pain.

had 3km route march on monday. cleverly used clear tape to bind the sole of my feet. this is actuali to prevent the massive blisters from hell to appear. trust me, blisters n flu are the 2 most hated things in BMTC. can't walk wif blisters on ur soles n u can't run wif a blocked nose plus a weak body.

i had 3 BCCT trainings. abit stupid but it brought out the fighter in me. most ppl won't know but i've a lil bit of martial arts training back when i was a kid. god knows wat happened but i seemed to b more comfortable as an unarmed soldier.

den had a crazy PT session by my specialists. 6 in all. i had ALOT of jumping jacks, push ups, bridging, alternate leg thrusts, flutter kicks and buddha claps. damn. lotsa pain. lotsa fun. they've taught me well abt mind games. i am now a reverse psycho freak.

had the creme de la creme training on friday. the 6km route march. took out alot from me. am not used to carrying an xtra 15kg of shit on my body n walked 6km. i find it strange how the more i stop for breaks (which we are FORCED to), the more tiring it gets. mayb lesser breaks n more walking will b better.

its been 3 days since i had did proper 100 push ups per day. but now i'm concentrating on my arms. read a quote in Men's Health which goes like this:

'i have no past. nor do i have any future. i live in the present. therefore, i am now'

which is true. i shouldn't b thinking of how fat i used to b. or how i'm gonna look like tmrw. cos i won't know if i'm gonna wake up tmrw n dat i already know dat wat's past is past. the main thing now is to live for today. look at the present. wat matters is, i finish my reps n sets!

should have asked my sis, azura, out today. but i felt too tired. sis, i promise i'll asked u out soon! i am confused. i am missing masturah. but she's not working today. i've asked her out though. but she didn't reply earlier on. till juz now. i am at the point where, i juz wanna go away from her. cos i reali dunno. abt going after her all over again. its scary. even for a soldier. sure it sounds funny, but it reali is scary. ur going out, all out, for someone whom u reali like. u wanna b wif. but she's remaining low. not telling u how she's feeling. or anything. n i juz wanna F.O from everything n juz b the fucker who's happy for her. but as in the words taken from the movie 'Hitch', u dunno how much it hurts every time u wake up n knowing dat the gal u love is being wif someone who's totally wrong for her. i dunno. u tell me.

have fun. 110 push ups n 200 crunches. go.

kapoooot....

last week. slack week.

for 4 days, we had log day. short for logistics day. its where we do nothing but tend to logistics. n i do mean nothing. only 1 training per day. had circuit on monday. dunno y but the training killed my thighs. had stiff thighs for the rest of the week. tuesday was E.T run. mixture of running n brisk walking. wed was IPPT specs training. seems like my sergeants wanna kill my thighs. did ALOT of thigh strengthening exercises. n guess wat? thurs was guard duty day. fook. i had weights training on thurs morning though. my fav training! haha. but took alot out of me n had to survive 12 hours of guard duty. yes, 4 hours of walking. roughly 12km worth of steps.

blisters, yes. fatigue, yes. sleep deprivation, yes for 24 hours. a white figure on a tree at ard 2am, yes. shall not talk abt it.

booked out yesterday. spent the whole day sleeping. blistering feet reali sucks. trying to puncture the whole thing. so the liquid will flow out n not cause any pain. seems like i can't.

woke up early today. went out wif shortcut to clifford centre. apparently, my former employer has opened a new shop at a Banquet foodcourt down at clifford centre. n yes, the foodcourt's new too. lotsa stuff down there. but the food ain't good. i still prefer good ol' Raffles Hospital. haha! bought my Men's Health magazine n went to Cash Converter wif shortcut. he wanted to sell off his flatbed scanner but the queue was too long n he was on stand by for mobilisation. so we screw everything off n went home.

went home. ate. read my magazine.

did some weights today. concentrating on my abdominals. its 110 push ups n 200 crunches per day now. seeing results. can't wait till i P.O.P. 2 more months.

i feel shy whenever gals look at me. should i feel shy in the first place? or should i b honoured?

guessed dat my former state makes me realise dat sometimes..ppl take beauty for granted. dat some ppl seems interested only at the physical aspect of others...instead of looking deeper. funny aint it?

chained

dats it. last day of my block leave. no more freedom.

i'm left wif shaving my head, goatee, clipping my nails and packing my stuff. hell's waiting for me back there. well. there are some things which u can't juz run away from. swallow the shit. nvm. it will only make me. as long as my motivation is there, i bet i won't fall out so easily.

am loving my body. need to work on my deltoids n abs. my upper body's looking good. haha! nah..wait till i POP den i'll show it off. yes. i am a metrosexual.

feel good today. up n running. refresh. NS. bring it on. haha! mcm real aje! been there for almost 4 months. other companies have already passed out. left wif my company n the newer batches of recruits. an old bird in the army now. but they say, the more u know den they demand higher standards from u. dun care, dun give a damn, dun give a fook n 10 more weeks left. wahaha!

booking out either on next thurs or fri. cos it gonna b Good Friday. so getting a day off. when the hell is she gonna say 'yes'!! haha! nah..not impatient but kinda scared. k..off liao. anything drop me a comment or something. see ya..

2 more days..

2 more days till my freedom is over. the holidays have made me realised lotsa things. dat time is damn valuable. when it flies by u, den its gone. juz like dat. took the liberty to train whenever i'm free. feel refresh n can't wait to start my BMT. lets see how tough i am before i start to break. trainings can only 'make' or 'break' u. for me, it can only 'make' me into a stronger person.

been thinking abt her. i should stop this u know. but reali can't. dunno y. dun ask me. ask her lah. so attractive. haha! her ways n style. her different moods. her smile. oh my god, her smile. wif kissable lips. hahaha!

didn't train today. wanted to rest my body. was suddenly vomiting last nite. upset stomach. won't give any more details for this. haha.

slept alot. i'm starting to relax. body needs rest. dunno if i should go out tmrw. last day to enjoy. NS has its ups. made me think abt my future n stuff. lotsa stuff which i reali reali wanna do now. juz need to wait till i ORD. haha! 2006. its not dat near nor is it far. gonna b different. for sure.

berhenti berharap..

if u have the chance, listen to this song by Sheila on 7.

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

she gave me this song last year when she juz broke up wif her ex bf. didn't reali knew wat the song meant till today. i juz sat there n listened to the song. i started to put myself into her shoes. den i realised dat she's no ordinary. she's one of those wonder women. if only, she gave me a chance...

bugis..

took a lil trip to bugis today. was supposed to meet faizal at 4pm today but ended up reaching at 4.15pm. but when i called him, he said he's still in class n will b reaching at 4.30pm. urgh! if only i knew..

was walking along the food junction when i saw this gal wif this particular hairstyle. damn familiar hairstyle. den i realised who she was! Miss Siti Azura! wassup sis! hahaha! she didn't noticed me at first. so i kept quiet n smiled at her. only den she saw me! haha! so funny! eh sis! ur hairstyle is unique arr! so far, ur the only person i know who has that particular hairstyle. suits u very well! haha! oh yah..my sis has a cool iPod Shuffle now! damn..waaay better den my Creative Muvo. but den again mine has radio n LCD display! wahahaha! was damn nice to see her again. unexpected yet cool. missin' ya sis!

waited for awhile n figured dat faizal ain't gonna b reaching any sooner so i took a lil walk to a certain 7-11 outlet. wanted to buy H2O n visit masturah too. wah liao..when i came in n opened the fridge's door, she was already smiling! urgh! in case u ppl do not know, i am a very shy guy. i have a very fierce outlook n i do not expect ppl to smile at me cos i'll feel very awkward. very very awkward. i will melt especially when masturah smiles. trust me, i tend to b very shy towards her. yes miss, i ni pemalu. a damn shy bugger. y? its obvious lah.

talked to mas for like 3mins before i started to feel extremely shy. cannot lah. she's my kryptonite. den i went off n waited for faizal. when he came, it was nearly 6pm. walked ard the whole of bugis junction before deciding to have dinner at swensen's. he had salmon n mushroom baked rice whereas i had chilli fish pasta. damn..baked rice tasted good sia. ordered coit tower n faizal took hot fudge bonanza split. wahaha! this is fattening! but once in awhile its ok lah. should have gone to Fish & Co but i wanna go wif masturah arr. dats if she says yes lah. still waiting. haha! nvm..see how it goes.

met cassie at starbucks n had a long talk wif her. cassie's my cool eurasian fren. cassie's short for cassandra. cassandra hale. stays ard my area n went to ite macpherson wif me. talking crap arr this gal. was telling me how she watched banned movies in la salle for knowledge purposes. haha! funny sia! went back wif her n we talked abt gays n lesbians. cool arr! great to have met up wif my macpherson frens. cool as ever.

overall..had a great day even though i didn't go to sentosa wif the guys. felt lazy n dun find any good reasons to go. ya..sentosa got gals but i dun think i should look far when she's right in front of me. bsides, u can wish for any gals in this world but does the gals want u? hahaha! wishin' to meet my wonder woman. juz who is she?

yeeeeeeesss!!

'its sunday morning, rain is falling'

had a slack day in camp this week. the worse in fact. doing sai kang. yes..sai kang. when the enhanced batch passed out, my company had to do volunteer work. all of us, n i reali mean ALL, hate sai kang. its reali stupid. they'll ask u to do stupid stuff. like carry this n dat, wash toilets, arrange chairs and so on. things dat dun reali matter during ur training. hate dat. reali hate dat.

went out to the I.T show down at suntec. suntec holds alot memories for me. fun shit. haha. miss those days. the halls were packed wif ppl. swarming wif heads n all. ppl touching brushing against my ass when i was walking thru the crowds. imagine those women walking thru. gone case liao. bought 2 games, mercenaries and need for speed 2. can enjoy my 1 week break liao!

watched 'Hitch' wif the guys. caught the 10pm show n ended up taking a cab home. dun reali care the movie's damn cool. will smith was suave in the movie. charismatic n charming. some of the methods of making the first move are reali creative. reflects so much on me. can b alot of help to others when their relationships are shaky. but when it reali comes to dear ol' self, i dun even know. great movie.

she sms-ed me during the show n made my day. made me smile and made me think. funny how someone can reali affect ur mood. smilies now.

i wanna go n smell the morning. sit at a high level n watch my surroundings. immerse myself wif thought thinkings. n juz wonder wat the hell are these feelings.

sai kang = shit work.

she

she's there. i'm here. i feel sad. missing her though. should b moving on. if ur reading this, give me a sign. love ya.

pump..pump..pump..pump until u all die!!

booked out earlier den usual today. instead of booking out on saturday, they changed the whole thing to friday! this is due to those idiots who are gonna collect their A levels results. hahaha! god knows wat kinda of shitty results are they gonna get. yeah..i'm evil! *grins*

slack day this week. had my first CO muster parade. my first damn parade. starched my boots and polished my boots. was looking my smartest dat day. den i look at the mirror n asked myself, why the hell am i here. den i think abt the flag raisings n lowerings, the bugle dat they play, how my family is doing, my frens are coping, the 'garang' looks of my platoon mates and my rifle. yeah..my rifle. y the hell was i given a rifle. den it dawned to me dat its reali not abt serving 2 years, bcoming fit and being the best soldier. its a simple reason dat ppl tend to overlook and deny. but once u bcome a soldier den u'll realised dat ur here, juz to protect the ones u love. n dats all the reason i need.

during the parade, the CO mentioned my company and told us dat we are now at the halfway mark of our journey while the rest of the companies will b passing out during the next 2 weeks. when ur standing still n hearing all these things, u can't help to shed tears. i can still remember the 1st time i enlisted. bald, wearing a brown canterbury polo t, jeans n adidas brown shoes. wif a red oakley bag on my back. so blur, sad n yet eager to serve my 2 years.

n look where i am now. standing here, reaching 4 months into training n watching a batch of my fellow recruits passing out while i still have another 3 more months to go. no longer can wear the polo t n jeans. booking out wif a fieldpack instead of other bags. getting fitter. things have changed alot.

had my first recruits nite also. funny skits by bravo coy, now known as bronco. they even have a professional dancer! hahaha! man..sometimes u guys juz crack me up. dat nite, i spent time looking at stars. hahaha! yeah..its been along time since i look at the nite sky. very very long time. its kinda like those still moments, where u juz look up n ur lost in ur own world. there's alot of things ppl tend to forget. like when was the last time u ate wif ur parents? u look at the clouds? the stars? actuali play in the rain again? hold ur partner's hand n juz whisper sweet nothings? hahaha...

am looking forward to block leave. probably wanna sit at the beach or mayb camp out! still wanting for anyone to follow. i wanna wake up smelling fresh air and running ard the beach. oh yah..gave up liao on chasing anyone. i think i'm to spend my whole life single n looking after my parents. time for me to get up n juz move on. no good to stay fixed on old love. mas, forget the deal we made. its better dat way..k? haha! have fun n keep on smiling miss!

am missing so many frens. should go out wif miss siti azura n gang. hahaha! she's gonna flip when she sees her real name. great ex classmate of mine. haha! should catch up arr sis! mayb during my block leave can plan up wif nahar. my macpherson frens. where are u guys?! n my ever so busy dover guys. kinda long entry but hey, gotta jot down my thoughts rite? one whole week's worth of entry. hahaha!

better. fitter. higher.

pushing..

first of all..i muz say dat i am feeling very tired. God, thank u for the strength u've given me to overcome the week. i am reali thankful!

hectic week. had lotsa things going at one short. weights n circuits. ET walks n jogs. Route march. things are starting to heat up. the route march was exceptionally tough. though it was only 3km, it was also the most tiring. i can still remember the siren going off...telling us to beware of heat alert. yes..HEAT ALERT! weather was damn hot. i washed my shirt n without wringing the water off, i juz let it hang. 2 hours later, the shirt was totally dry. imagine dat, 2 hours to totally dehydrate a medium.

the route march was also an eye opener for me. it made me realise dat there are other ppl who need my help. my platoon holds the biggest of them all. morbidly obese. the biggest of them all. there are some of them who can't even walk 1km. its heart breaking to see ur platoon mates struggling on. there's something abt me. i dun like see ppl in pain. for some goddamn reason, i turned around. tugged n pulled 2 of my platoon mates till we reach the halfway point. along the way, i can see their eyes beginning to redden and the anguish facial expression. i almost cried wif them. y? its juz sad. to see them carrying the pain n yet pushing on, not trying to give up n ur juz fitter den them n walking ahead of them. its been 3 months n being in the same platoon, doesn't mean having to work together but to suffer together. as they say, never leave ANYONE behind.

when we reached the halfway point, they thanked me for helping them. continuing back the rest of the journey, we kept on pulling n pushing one another on. my bag tore due to too much pulling and tugging. i had bleeding blisters on both of my feet. its difficult to carry urself wif an xtra load of 15kg n den tugging 2 other ppl who weight more den 120kg each. but somehow i did it n i'm glad. i realised my limits n have pushed it even higher. n so do my buddies. on dat very day, i salute my bigger comrades for not giving up. u guys earned my respect big time. nothing else can replace the determination u guys have. i may b smaller n fitter but hey, its all in the heart. tears shed n dried, bros till we die. respect shown n given. keep up the good work eagle 1.

dunno wats going on in my life now. living each day as it is. love life? dunno. can't seem to grasp it. i'm somewhere lost in my old love. i miss her n i do want her back. but it takes two hands to clap..yes no? i dunno..i juz wanna go get away. dun wanna contact her n juz remain in solitude. i am fool when it comes to love. hahaha. yeah..i'm a reali shy guy who's a sucker when it comes to love. 2 more weeks b4 block leave. wanna hang out at east coast for awhile. anyone wanna join?

anyway, for mas..here's a the chorus of a song:

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you

would any gals say yes when a guy say the same to them? go figure...

CHINGAY!

book out day lor! b4 booking out, had a terrible time. marched 3km wif ard 15kg on my body. took the whole coy nearly 2 hours to finish the march. its time to step up the pace. lotsa commotion n time limits. punishments. sometimes, u juz wonder whether ur in the rite place or not. last year i was juz a normal civilian but now, i'm wearing green n being called a 'recruit'. the lowest form of life in singapore.

went back home in a cab wif my taxi buddies. the cabbie was a rowdy bugger. talked n talked n talked. to those ppl out there, do not go on talking to tired recruits for long. it will only irritate them further. reached home in abt 20 mins. the cabbie was a speed demon.

changed up n threw my dirty laundry into the washing machine. went out within 2 hours. haha! went to bugis wif nurdin n hidir. had my lunch at my ol' working place. ate chicken rice n tom yam soup! haha! i love the place. brings so much memories. ppl down there dun recognise me anymore..until they take a second look. too thin! dats wat they told me. haha. army kills.

den after lunch, went to say hi to masturah. she's working at a 7-11 near my ol' working place. damn, if only she worked there earlier. haha! she said she wasn't gonna b shy when i'll b there but it was totally different thing juz now! she say me n started to smile n laugh even though she was serving this ang moh guy. this ang moh guy was asking abt a card so he could call back home n mas was looking at me n asked me 'eh btul kan? world card leh pakai public phone kan?'. haha! n she kept laughing n smiling. the ang moh guy was giving me this funny look n den looking at masturah n den looking at me again. i think he knows. hahaha!

after dat we went to watch chingay parade down at orchard. damn fun! lotsa ppl! woohoo!! caught some pics wif my digicam. hahaha! love those mobiles! somehow, i think the indians are good at these kinda parades. cool shit! haha!

its been great to see u again mas. seriously. u've lost weight! too much smoking lah sayang..cut down n u'll slowly quit. didn't say much juz now cos i reali didn't know wat to say. like wat ronan keating sang: 'you said it best, when u said nothing at all'..n yeah dat was so true juz now. no dear, u dun look funny, kental or very awkward wif ur glasses on. in fact, i would've preferred u wif glasses on. no, ur hair's colour is not DAT obvious but i can still see the colour. sumtimes its better to listen to other ppl's opinions n den compromise regarding certain issues. black hair's cool n it reali goes well wif dark skin. trust me cos i think ur pretty. sorry for not smiling back when u smiled at me. i was sooo shy when u smiled at me dat i forgot wat to do. yeah..i am shy towards u. dun ask y. i juz do. ur shoes? nothing's wrong wif them! i was smiling cos i used to have a pair of those..but of different colour. urs are green whilst mine were white. n they were my fav pair of shoes! sometimes i forget abt things. especially nowadays wif so many things going on. n sometimes i can b ignorant abt stuff. wasn't making fun of ur english juz now but was rather amazed how u've progressed. n to b frank, i've forgotten abt teaching u english. hahaha! thanks for refreshing my memory! there so many things which happened during dat time. some were great whilst some were bad. but teaching u english, clipping ur nails cos u didn't know how to, having dinner wif u down by changi beach, u singing a malay song to me by the beach, u being my motivation for surviving NS are some of the greatest things in my life. n yes, i do miss u..

tsk..tsk

went out today. didn't have any plans until someone told me abt a picnic down at east coast! damn u army buggers! u guys were planning this whole thing since last week n only confirmed it this morning! n someone told me to come down..at 3pm! crazy buggers. n i didn't went for the picnic cos it was rather late. dun expect me to show my face n den stay for ard 2 hours n den go home. woodlands and east coast abit too far for me to waste 2 hours.

ended up..hanging ard at causeway point. met up wif hilmi n zul majid. haha! yeah..zulkifli majid. used to b my twin back during sec sch. same name, same size n same interest. till he lost a whole LOT of weight! dunno how he did it..but it was amazing. followed zul to GNC to get his supplements. thought of getting mine too but zul wanted the promo thingy. nvm..i can wait till tmrw. can go out wif recruit sree manee raj to get my supplements!

zul did something stupid. he didn't checked his change after paying for the supplements. soon after we left, he noticed dat he only had $2 in his wallet. blur cock siak! hahaha! he got all mad n fussy! went back to the shop n told them wat happened. seems like the cashier mistakenly took zul's $100 change. hahaha! u should have seen zul's face. funny seh! den hilmi joined us for dinner down at pizza hut. the baked beefballs down at pizza hut was good! damn good! haha! hilmi told us abt the things he did..haha! shall not say these kinda things down here. for my ears only. den hilmi told me dat he say adila in the train few days back. seems like he had quite a conversation wif my ex gf. adila seems to know dat i'm in NS n asked hilmi whether i'm still angry at her. n my idiotic fren told her dat i've forgotten everything abt it n dat i'm now a lover boy. wft! hahaha!

nah...adila, i've not forgotten everything. tell u the truth, i probably won't. somehow, a big part of me reali hate u. the humiliation n all. hypocrite. seems like u no longer wear a tudung cos u KNOW u aren't showing the appropriate behaviour for someone who wears one. call me a bastard, a petty jackass n wateva. i dun care abt u, i dun need to know abt me n seriously, juz F O from this world. F U U?

oh yah..back to my journal. haha! letting off some steam. bought my optical goggles and a Men's Health Magazine. goggles rock big time. see things cleary underwater. haha! interesting shit in the mag. i managed to get a her-watch. hahaha! wif the box n all. to the person who will b receiving the watch, its kinda like a gift from me. n do accept it.lotsa gals today. lotsa babes. but somehow, i ain't ready to dive into a relationship again. n seriously, i may behave like a goddamn bastard but i reali dun have the heart to flirt and go screwing other gals ard. yeah..dats me. n i like myself. haha! one woman man. got some pics taken earlier. enjoy!

her watch 

the three amigos 

chinese new year..

3rd day of my long weekend. due to Chinese New Year!! been bored since the past 2 days. literally had nothing to do. cycled, ran n did some weights. wanna go out but most of the shops are closed due to CNY. urgh! i hate being bored!

wanna get a new xbox game. can no longer sit n do nothing!! probably gonna go watch Constantine tmrw. need to get out. restless at home! hahaha! heard the movie's good too! all the more i should see it. reali need to get a pair of swimming goggles which has degrees! short sighted lah dey! wanna practice my breast stroke. how come i can swim freestyle n when i'm learning to do breast stroke, i can't grasp the technique?? should start swimming regularly! need to train up..get back my stamina. i lack stamina for swimming and running. haiz!

i'm not slimming down. oh god..y?? the only thing dats happening to my body is dat its shaping and toning up. maaan..i need to go down 2 size smaller. but..i'm loving how my body looks like now. hahaha! cool biceps and triceps..n hardy chest!! woohoo!! need to get hydoxycut again..my supply of hydoxycut is depleting. n those supplements ain't cheap!! by the end of february..i want a cool shapely chest. its on the waaaaaaaaaaaay...

oh yah..have to send a watch to someone. need to give her a v-day present. she gave me a watch a few years back n i've yet to send her a gift to thank her! yes..yes..i am rather late. but lotsa things happened..dis n dat..never contact n so on. but now since got the chance, i might as well send rite? haha! i need new shoes!! leather shoes..dat goes well wif polo tees, shirts, jeans and pants. something dats versatile. haha!

so the things i need are:

• xbox game
• optical goggles
• hydroxycut
• a her-watch
• shoes

n dun ask how come i got the money to buy these stuff when my allowance is less den $400!! savings arr..hahaha! oh yah..if u guys are reading my blog, leave a tag ya!!

to endure and excel

to endure and excel. the motto for fitness specialists and physical training instructors. i find the motto damn interesting. its reali all abt progressing. if u can endure the time, pain and torture then u've juz excelled in pushing ur limits higher. n army life's like dat. u juz gotta learn how to endure in order to excel. n i'm trying my best learning how to endure the pain. as odd as it may sound, sometimes i smile when i'm in pain. when i have to endure in push up position, in buddha clap position, leg raising position n so on.

dunno how many ppl do reali read my blog. but i think this is probably the only place where i can pour out my thoughts and feeling to my heart's content! life in the army is tough n boring. its monotonous. ur body aches all day. but surprisingly, i manage to breeze thru each day as it is. i thank God for giving me the strength and determination to carry on.

next week is chinese new year. gonna have a whole week off. feeling rather scared cos i might put on weight. have to plan out wat i gotta do next week. i probably go run 3km ard the stadium and go to the gym. hope can lose another 20kg more. cos i already lost 10kg! wanna see a new zul at the end of bmt. a slick, cool and smart zul.

v-day's ard the corner. i dun reali celebrate it cos its against my religion to believe in such things. den again, to those who DO celebrate it...do cherish the ones u love. cos u never know when they've got to go. u'll never know the true value of someone till dat someone disappears from ur life.

my life's a bore. i look forward to book out days cos its the only time where i have my sanity checked. there ain't no gals in army n the rest of the other guys are botak. haha! so its nice change of sight once a week! oh yah...had my guard duty last week. terrible time.

tekong's a scary place to b at nite. trust me. reali scary. lotsa things come out at nite. seen stupid stuff which i ain't gonna mention. but somehow it has boosted my courage. had to walk for a couple of hours ard the whole island. den had a few hours of rest n den back to prowling again. did the whole thing for 4 times over n over again. had alot of blisters and trust me, i was reali thinking of juz reporting sick the very next day. thank God for giving me the strength and determination to carry on. its been 2 months n i've yet to report sick. i am thankful to God for giving me a healthy state of mind and body. thanks mas for replying to my sms when i was bored dat day. u've been a very nice lady. thank u soo much! muackz!

learnt how to appreciate time given to me these days. hey mas, i've changed. i've learnt lotsa things. n i'm thankful. wif each passing day, i've learnt to believe in God and myself. i still miss u though. hopefully ur smiling always.

livin' each day as if it's the last. enduring so i can excel. lovin like never b4.

book in lor!

today is book in day...book in..book in..book in day!!

been having sleepless nites these days. damn it. irritable and angry zul. i can't do anything if i'm sleepy. sure to have put on weight over these 4 days. my mom's stubborn. she cooks everything fatty!

hate to book in. damn. waste time. i still have 5 more days b4 my book out day. need to get dettol later on. army toilet stinks big time. v-day's coming! should i get something for someone? dunno leh..

haiz..army changes u. someone's rite! but i believe i'm the same ol' me. zul is still zul. hahaha! livin' each day as if it was the last...

left check!!

am now so tired!! went out from 2pm till 11.30pm yesterday. practically circled the whole of orchard! town was full of chinese and ang moh gals! aaaaaaaaaah!! so pretty! hahaha! but hey, wats a face without a heart rite?

was hanging out wif my frens yesterday. let me see, 5 soldiers, a policeman and 2 students. hahaha! told u, 75% of my frens are now serving the nation. went to borders looking for a book to buy but cannot reali decide on one and ended up buying nothing!! intelligent ppl in borders! smart looking gals!

we ended up playing xbox games along the streets and had dinner at lido. talking crap wif my frens. 7 years of frenship. from the day i entered sec sch till now. from students to soldiers. from boys to men. dunno wat would i do without them. posted my pics up now. the difference of 2 months in the army. from chubby to cengkung!! wah liao! SAF Slimming Centre works! hahaha!

hey hey!! a picture of me now!! 

ok..this is a picture of me 2 months ago!! 

echo..

today's a rather sombre day for me. its hari raya haji. went to the mosque for prayers today. i alway look forward to going to the mosque every hari raya..regardless whether its adilfitri or aidiladha. the feeling is different. the ambience, the atmosphere and the ppl makes the whole praying session a rather special event. not forgetting the takbir, which is the only thing which instantly makes me reflect on the stupid things i've done thru out my life. today, i was sitting there and thinking abt 5 major things.

the first 3 were the relationships i went thru. been awhile n i think i've learned from my mistakes. the first one was a total disaster lah, wasn't my fault at all. but my 2nd n 3rd one, i should have been a better guy, though i gave my all in my 2nd relationship and i would do it all over again. but hey, picked myself up n doing well now. relationship is a rather complicated thing. one thing i realised abt me now, is dat i dun reali talk to gals. i'm a different person wif guys n a totally different person wif gals. i tend to b a very angelic bugger ard gals. dunno y. SNAG arr..

the fourth mistake almost ended up wif a police report. shall not tell the whole world.

the 5th one is me being myself. i should change. for the better though.

army changed me. i am more disciplined n can co operate wif others more. i realised dat i am a nobody. but when 49 other guys are enduring the same dreadful trainings wif me, i sense that they look up at me as a somebody.

ur left..ur left..ur left..RIGHT!!!

am now and officially, a 2 months old soldier!! been rather away from home. army life is rather tiring!!! drains all ur energy..break u into putty n they do it all over again the very next day.

lotsa stuff probably happened which i probably can't remember. last time i looked in the mirror, i look damn good. somehow, my body's not going smaller but bigger!! muscles baby..muscles!! haha! have not reported sick for training yet. probably among the last few survivors! GARANG lah!!

the peculiar thing abt wearing the army uniform is dat ppl actuali look at u! it feels weird! gals especially! they will look at u wif this funny look as if they know u..den they look away..n den they take glances at u again. scary sia!! as if i reali did something bad to them. to the ppl out there, i am a very good boy. pls dun think otherwise ya!

am saving up money for a digital video cam! almost there but not there. haha! wanna make my own movie lah. den if the money's good, i'll venture into pornography k? hahaha! as if! am missing masturah. but den again, i've been thinking. i probably should juz forget her. she's way too good for me. though sometimes it gets rather lonely, i think love can still wait. hey mas, i reali like u. but then again, i ain't good enuff. hahaha!

booking in tmrw. am feeling sleepy now. got M16S1 rifle last monday. gave her a name. shall not tell anyone. hahah! hey ppl..i miss civilian life. take care..