its friday morning! and i'm not yet asleep. can't seem to sleep. yes, i am tired but just can't sleep.
went out today. i skipped rugby. went to make a new pair of specs today. there goes my money. haha! but then again, i really need a change of specs. my current one has a deep scratch on it due to the army. i still remembered how it happened. it was during a route march and we had to get our bags and webbings off within 5 secs. in the rush, the muzzle of my rifle hit my face and slashed across my specs. Thank God i was wearing specs, otherwise i would be having scars on my eye!
bought 2 new polo tees. yeah, i love polo tees. haha! they are the most comfy thing n a cross of casual and formal too! plus i look good in them! just got off the phone with Dayah. and its soo stressful. i dunno if you really wanna go out with me on Sunday. u should have told zoe early. she probably can settle the whole thing. have some faith. and seriously, though i wouldn't say it, i would be heartbroken and disappointed if you can't make it on Sunday. i'll spend my day alone and reject every single call from everyone who's gonna call me on that day. really. i'll be very moody.
i really dunno. God, please show me the right path. we are drifting apart. i feel so too. i think i have no place in her heart n that i should just go away quietly. tell me dear, who am i to u? a normal guy just like the rest or someone who's in ur heart? cos i'm afraid of making the wrong choices..
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
uncertainties
back from work n all.
this week is tiring. its been a month since we had a proper training. a month. that is how fast time flies. the first thing that my coach just had to do, was to throw us a fitness session. we had to sprint 6 times around the field. look, i maybe big and muscular but speed isn't my forte. i can run 10km and all but i definitely can't sprint it all the way!! so imagine how tired i was at the end of the session. we had scrums, line outs and a match simulation. to elaborate, i had to endure the force of 8 other people, lift a 70kg guy, get pushed, tackled, kicked, dragged and so on. y am i still playing it? in the words of a pretty gal, must have passion...passion!!
back to doing presentations. i'm left with 6 more weeks before i'm off for my holidays. first to KL then to Bangkok! weeeeeeeee! i seriously cannot wait!!
i was walking alone just now and listening to the songs on my hand phone. den the song 'kenangan terindah' by Samsons began to play. i was singing to it den began to think about the lyrics and all. suddenly, tears begin to roll lah! luckily there was no one around. ish! i was thinking about this particular gal. yes, i'm beginning to fall for u. i miss u loads and can't wait to see u soon. but i'm uncertain about how u feel towards me. i dunno what u treat me as and i'm afraid to show u how much i love u. yes, i'm holding back. i'm just afraid. but hey, if things dun go work and we go our separate ways, pls take note that you've been the nicest to me so far. n i won't probably regret knowing u. there's a reason y God allowed this meeting btwn u n me. n so far, He has never been wrong. n yes, i know God has better plans for me.
read my lips. i love u loads. and i'm scared to show it cos things might not work out. if u feel the same way, tell me pls. kan aku jadi kan kau kenangan terindah....
this week is tiring. its been a month since we had a proper training. a month. that is how fast time flies. the first thing that my coach just had to do, was to throw us a fitness session. we had to sprint 6 times around the field. look, i maybe big and muscular but speed isn't my forte. i can run 10km and all but i definitely can't sprint it all the way!! so imagine how tired i was at the end of the session. we had scrums, line outs and a match simulation. to elaborate, i had to endure the force of 8 other people, lift a 70kg guy, get pushed, tackled, kicked, dragged and so on. y am i still playing it? in the words of a pretty gal, must have passion...passion!!
back to doing presentations. i'm left with 6 more weeks before i'm off for my holidays. first to KL then to Bangkok! weeeeeeeee! i seriously cannot wait!!
i was walking alone just now and listening to the songs on my hand phone. den the song 'kenangan terindah' by Samsons began to play. i was singing to it den began to think about the lyrics and all. suddenly, tears begin to roll lah! luckily there was no one around. ish! i was thinking about this particular gal. yes, i'm beginning to fall for u. i miss u loads and can't wait to see u soon. but i'm uncertain about how u feel towards me. i dunno what u treat me as and i'm afraid to show u how much i love u. yes, i'm holding back. i'm just afraid. but hey, if things dun go work and we go our separate ways, pls take note that you've been the nicest to me so far. n i won't probably regret knowing u. there's a reason y God allowed this meeting btwn u n me. n so far, He has never been wrong. n yes, i know God has better plans for me.
read my lips. i love u loads. and i'm scared to show it cos things might not work out. if u feel the same way, tell me pls. kan aku jadi kan kau kenangan terindah....
Sunday, June 24, 2007
down
she called me up around 8am. and she sounded weak. very weak. i can't help but to feel sad too. i mean, this is the gal whom i am beginning to fall in love with. and i am hearing her weak voice. it saddens me a lot. a whole lot.
so she says she can't work today and tried to contact the boss. her call wasn't picked up so she asked to try my luck instead. so i sms-ed our boss and a few minutes later, i got the reply. boss says that she thinks that Dayah can't work long hours and if she continues this hectic routine, she will disrupt our schedule. and she's not sending Dayah to my outlet anymore.
i agree to everything. EXCEPT THE LAST PART!! I know that everyone has a limit. your mind is a strong thing but your body is never invincible. i know that to run a business, u need a smooth flow of operation so u probably dun wanna have any disruption. BUT DUN HAVE TO TAKE OUT DAYAH WAT!!
i mean, i only get to spend time with Dayah is when she works with me. its hard to find to time nowadays. especially with me working and having rugby most of the time. so i have decided to change my work schedule once everything is settled. i will want to work from 5pm - 10pm on saturdays and do opening from 7.30am till 5pm. cos after work on sundays, i can meet with her. dats if she wants to. or i juz take off on saturdays. haha!
i feel sad. disappointed. down. seriously i do.
but i also know this is one of the challenges in life. God is great and i just gotta go through it. cos behind every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.
love u loads. seriously i do.
so she says she can't work today and tried to contact the boss. her call wasn't picked up so she asked to try my luck instead. so i sms-ed our boss and a few minutes later, i got the reply. boss says that she thinks that Dayah can't work long hours and if she continues this hectic routine, she will disrupt our schedule. and she's not sending Dayah to my outlet anymore.
i agree to everything. EXCEPT THE LAST PART!! I know that everyone has a limit. your mind is a strong thing but your body is never invincible. i know that to run a business, u need a smooth flow of operation so u probably dun wanna have any disruption. BUT DUN HAVE TO TAKE OUT DAYAH WAT!!
i mean, i only get to spend time with Dayah is when she works with me. its hard to find to time nowadays. especially with me working and having rugby most of the time. so i have decided to change my work schedule once everything is settled. i will want to work from 5pm - 10pm on saturdays and do opening from 7.30am till 5pm. cos after work on sundays, i can meet with her. dats if she wants to. or i juz take off on saturdays. haha!
i feel sad. disappointed. down. seriously i do.
but i also know this is one of the challenges in life. God is great and i just gotta go through it. cos behind every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.
love u loads. seriously i do.
persona
end of the first week since sch started!!
was looking forward to the weekend actually. a bit tired from all the dumb things happening in sch. been working through out the holidays so i didn't have much time for rest and relax. there's progress in our rugby training. there are finally proper game plays and phases! at last, we are going somewhere!
work has been cool so far. got a complained from a customer. blah blah blah. ah well, work is work. haha! i skipped school on Wednesday cos i was too tired. so i spent the afternoon with Hidayah down in Bugis. i borrowed her my spare phone since she lost hers a few days back. the person who stole her hp is really stoooopid! y did u take her phone?!?! how was i suppose to contact her den!
Dayah was down with fever today. she looked so tired from everything. sayang, i feel very bad whenever u look as if ur weak and in pain. i feel very very bad. if i could share the pain or even bear the pain for u, i would! seriously i would. aaaaaah...i really feel so bad. there are so many things i wish i could say to u. maybe i'll tell u tmrw k?
abit tired now. woke up early just to have breakfast wif her. and its worth the effort cos i really like to see her smile...
was looking forward to the weekend actually. a bit tired from all the dumb things happening in sch. been working through out the holidays so i didn't have much time for rest and relax. there's progress in our rugby training. there are finally proper game plays and phases! at last, we are going somewhere!
work has been cool so far. got a complained from a customer. blah blah blah. ah well, work is work. haha! i skipped school on Wednesday cos i was too tired. so i spent the afternoon with Hidayah down in Bugis. i borrowed her my spare phone since she lost hers a few days back. the person who stole her hp is really stoooopid! y did u take her phone?!?! how was i suppose to contact her den!
Dayah was down with fever today. she looked so tired from everything. sayang, i feel very bad whenever u look as if ur weak and in pain. i feel very very bad. if i could share the pain or even bear the pain for u, i would! seriously i would. aaaaaah...i really feel so bad. there are so many things i wish i could say to u. maybe i'll tell u tmrw k?
abit tired now. woke up early just to have breakfast wif her. and its worth the effort cos i really like to see her smile...
Monday, June 18, 2007
rewind
well, its been kinda busy for me lately.
sch holidays just ended. so its back to school!
welcome back to W35Q. home to the 'Uniques'. yes, my class is W35Q and we called ourselves the 'Uniques'! strange but true. my mates are younger than me. on average, they are around 18 years old? yes, i do feel kinda old. but than again, age is just a number. i view myself as someone who is there to learn as well as to guide them along the path of adolescence since i went through it 5 years ago.
at 18 years old, i was working as a waiter at swensen's and a building maintenance worker with a private company. life was tiring but yet meaningful. i always tell my classmates that at 18, u are at a stage where u feel like exploring and that u tend to experience new things. cos in sec sch, ur shielded from the harsh elements of life due to the care that ur teachers give. but once you are out of sec sch, you are probably on your own. unless you are born with silver/gold/diamond spoon in your mouth!!
had gym training today. i feel as if my chest is getting bigger. haha! omg, i think i'm going to bulk up alot. time to do alot of running soon! lose abit of muscle mass n fat. can't wait for rugby to start again due to the stupid ban.
dayah lost her hp! omg! she was pretty much upset when she called me. aiyoh, i was even more upset when i knew about it! kesian!! aaaaah! n i get sad whenever she's sad. relax miss, dun be sad anymore. i'd lend u my shoulders for u to cry on, i think they are big enuff rite? haha! i know you'd smile at my corny and silly comments. i can borrow u my spare phone if u want to? no worries, i know how hard it is without having a hp. especially when ur attachment period is coming up. erm, just give me buzz if u ever need me k? u know i'm always there for u...
i'm starting to learn Jawi again. after years of losing interest, i think i'm at the age where i should give priority to my religion. been thinking about it since army days, but never had the chance due to super restrictions we have in the military. i often pray that God gives me jump start and i think He sent me one super great gal to set me off. haha! n i thank God for her presence in my life. i always believe that if ur lost, always get back to the basics. i may suck at reading Jawi but hey, i'm never too old to learn anything. anyway, age is just a number.
i saw a mom feeding her child. the child was making a mess of out everything and giving a hard time to her mom. n yet, the mom didn't flinch or sulk. i stood in awe, looking at how willing and patient the mom was. den it hit me. when she turns old and is unable to feed herself, would the child be willing to feed the mom? it is strange how we take things for granted. even stranger how we take people for granted. only God knows how i'm beginning to appreciate the people in my life...
sch holidays just ended. so its back to school!
welcome back to W35Q. home to the 'Uniques'. yes, my class is W35Q and we called ourselves the 'Uniques'! strange but true. my mates are younger than me. on average, they are around 18 years old? yes, i do feel kinda old. but than again, age is just a number. i view myself as someone who is there to learn as well as to guide them along the path of adolescence since i went through it 5 years ago.
at 18 years old, i was working as a waiter at swensen's and a building maintenance worker with a private company. life was tiring but yet meaningful. i always tell my classmates that at 18, u are at a stage where u feel like exploring and that u tend to experience new things. cos in sec sch, ur shielded from the harsh elements of life due to the care that ur teachers give. but once you are out of sec sch, you are probably on your own. unless you are born with silver/gold/diamond spoon in your mouth!!
had gym training today. i feel as if my chest is getting bigger. haha! omg, i think i'm going to bulk up alot. time to do alot of running soon! lose abit of muscle mass n fat. can't wait for rugby to start again due to the stupid ban.
dayah lost her hp! omg! she was pretty much upset when she called me. aiyoh, i was even more upset when i knew about it! kesian!! aaaaah! n i get sad whenever she's sad. relax miss, dun be sad anymore. i'd lend u my shoulders for u to cry on, i think they are big enuff rite? haha! i know you'd smile at my corny and silly comments. i can borrow u my spare phone if u want to? no worries, i know how hard it is without having a hp. especially when ur attachment period is coming up. erm, just give me buzz if u ever need me k? u know i'm always there for u...
i'm starting to learn Jawi again. after years of losing interest, i think i'm at the age where i should give priority to my religion. been thinking about it since army days, but never had the chance due to super restrictions we have in the military. i often pray that God gives me jump start and i think He sent me one super great gal to set me off. haha! n i thank God for her presence in my life. i always believe that if ur lost, always get back to the basics. i may suck at reading Jawi but hey, i'm never too old to learn anything. anyway, age is just a number.
i saw a mom feeding her child. the child was making a mess of out everything and giving a hard time to her mom. n yet, the mom didn't flinch or sulk. i stood in awe, looking at how willing and patient the mom was. den it hit me. when she turns old and is unable to feed herself, would the child be willing to feed the mom? it is strange how we take things for granted. even stranger how we take people for granted. only God knows how i'm beginning to appreciate the people in my life...
Thursday, June 14, 2007
heavy heart
i spent the whole of yesterday, with a heavy heart. i couldn't figured it out till the end of the night.
work was as per normal. as soon as i started work, i got this particular feeling that a particular gal might pop out of nowhere. so i kept turning my head left and right while working, and she did actually appeared! scared the shit out of me but hey, she brought smiles upon my face.
so we talked about what was stressing her out and all. she looks pale and tired. and it scares me to see someone i like in that condition. tried my best to help her settle the problems and i do hope i was being a good listener and giving the best advice. she has the sweetest smile.
so we talked at night. and i told her about my feelings towards her. and she explained the reasons y she does not want to get involved right now. yes, i was disappointed. i mean, who wouldn't be upset if the gal u are fond of, dun want to be with u? hahaha! but that's life. and i'm ok. cos love is love. and it can't helped even if its a one sided thing.
i'm the type of guy who doesn't express out his views freely, cos darling, i think of ur feelings too. so here's what i gotta say.
dayah, go pursue the dreams and goals that u have. cos darling, ur youth comes only once in ur life. make use of the time u have right now. and no one should definitely stop or interfere in the chase for ur dreams. yes, those dreams and goals of urs are great. i agree. and which is y i respect u alot. but darling, dun see relationships as a hindrance to sum tings. dun let it affect ur life. dun ever! learn not to! no relationships are without problems, and it is these problems that u find out how strong and well u cope with life. dun ever let that mindset stay in u. cos i did, n it got me nowhere. a fren of mine, a very very close fren of mine, once said that 'dun ever give up on love'. i gave up on it for years now, focused on my life and yeah, my life's doing ok. but wat do i gain from all this? i've yet to answer that question. ya, ur different from me. and i think ur gonna achieve alot of great things. but just go with the flow!
u helped me realized a lot of things. and u never know how much that means to me. to realized how weak i am in my religion, to be more tolerant than ever, to have more faith in God and to trust sum1 again. i view u as someone who can teach me things which i dunno. n of course i love u! but if u think that love is a hindrance now, den its better that we break now. i dunno about u, but i know that it will probably tear me up inside. haha! but i won't show it to u. i'll mask everything and put on my happy face. wateva the fuck is, just know i reali like and love u loads.
and this is probably the last time i tell someone i like her. haha! THE LAST TIME!
so i guess dats y i had a heavy heart yesterday. mayb cos i was bottling my feelings up. go with the flow and we see wat happens. God is great after all...
work was as per normal. as soon as i started work, i got this particular feeling that a particular gal might pop out of nowhere. so i kept turning my head left and right while working, and she did actually appeared! scared the shit out of me but hey, she brought smiles upon my face.
so we talked about what was stressing her out and all. she looks pale and tired. and it scares me to see someone i like in that condition. tried my best to help her settle the problems and i do hope i was being a good listener and giving the best advice. she has the sweetest smile.
so we talked at night. and i told her about my feelings towards her. and she explained the reasons y she does not want to get involved right now. yes, i was disappointed. i mean, who wouldn't be upset if the gal u are fond of, dun want to be with u? hahaha! but that's life. and i'm ok. cos love is love. and it can't helped even if its a one sided thing.
i'm the type of guy who doesn't express out his views freely, cos darling, i think of ur feelings too. so here's what i gotta say.
dayah, go pursue the dreams and goals that u have. cos darling, ur youth comes only once in ur life. make use of the time u have right now. and no one should definitely stop or interfere in the chase for ur dreams. yes, those dreams and goals of urs are great. i agree. and which is y i respect u alot. but darling, dun see relationships as a hindrance to sum tings. dun let it affect ur life. dun ever! learn not to! no relationships are without problems, and it is these problems that u find out how strong and well u cope with life. dun ever let that mindset stay in u. cos i did, n it got me nowhere. a fren of mine, a very very close fren of mine, once said that 'dun ever give up on love'. i gave up on it for years now, focused on my life and yeah, my life's doing ok. but wat do i gain from all this? i've yet to answer that question. ya, ur different from me. and i think ur gonna achieve alot of great things. but just go with the flow!
u helped me realized a lot of things. and u never know how much that means to me. to realized how weak i am in my religion, to be more tolerant than ever, to have more faith in God and to trust sum1 again. i view u as someone who can teach me things which i dunno. n of course i love u! but if u think that love is a hindrance now, den its better that we break now. i dunno about u, but i know that it will probably tear me up inside. haha! but i won't show it to u. i'll mask everything and put on my happy face. wateva the fuck is, just know i reali like and love u loads.
and this is probably the last time i tell someone i like her. haha! THE LAST TIME!
so i guess dats y i had a heavy heart yesterday. mayb cos i was bottling my feelings up. go with the flow and we see wat happens. God is great after all...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
metamorphosis
ok, look. i know its been ages since i updated my blog. a lot of things happened and changed my life.
i have ORD-ed. finally. after much bitching about it in my previous posts, i have actually reached that point of my life. i love it and am enjoying every single bit of my freedom now. i couldn't sleep the night before my ORD. i lay awake and kept on thinking about my future. i kept asking myself these questions:
i miss my late grandparents. my paternal ones didn't get the chance to watch me grow to be who i am now. my maternal grandma left me in 2005. and often i think of them. almost every run i went through in the army, i did it for them. they indirectly gave me the strength. do note that i love you all with all my heart. for God and you guys.
i am back to working at my old place. old place, brand new me. n i met this wonderful 18yr old gal. she's the sweetest lil thing with the fiercest temper. n i freaking like her. A LOT. no, dun get me wrong. yes, i get attracted to pretty gals (just like u ppl!) but i'm afraid of them. pretty, popular and those with a ALOT of male frens. i'm just scared of them. so i stay away from them. but this gal is pretty, smart and definitely haughty. we have our regular 'debates' at work and i love teasing her. she made A LOT of differences in my life. indirectly. for once, cos of her i'm beginning to have more faith in my religion. n i reali reali owe her a whole load of gratitude. i love her for that. i reali do. she made me realize how forgiving one can b. realized that there's more to life than just what it seems. and i value her words. yeah, i sound as if i like her. yes i do. i admit it. n there's nothing wrong with that. love u loads Dayah. i think u know that already.
so i'll try to continue posting more often. cos i think this blog will be the journal of my life. loads of memories in here. n i can always look back, smile and let the tears roll...
i have ORD-ed. finally. after much bitching about it in my previous posts, i have actually reached that point of my life. i love it and am enjoying every single bit of my freedom now. i couldn't sleep the night before my ORD. i lay awake and kept on thinking about my future. i kept asking myself these questions:
- so where do i go from here?
- what have i learned after 2 years?
- how the hell did i go through those pain and sufferings?
i miss my late grandparents. my paternal ones didn't get the chance to watch me grow to be who i am now. my maternal grandma left me in 2005. and often i think of them. almost every run i went through in the army, i did it for them. they indirectly gave me the strength. do note that i love you all with all my heart. for God and you guys.
i am back to working at my old place. old place, brand new me. n i met this wonderful 18yr old gal. she's the sweetest lil thing with the fiercest temper. n i freaking like her. A LOT. no, dun get me wrong. yes, i get attracted to pretty gals (just like u ppl!) but i'm afraid of them. pretty, popular and those with a ALOT of male frens. i'm just scared of them. so i stay away from them. but this gal is pretty, smart and definitely haughty. we have our regular 'debates' at work and i love teasing her. she made A LOT of differences in my life. indirectly. for once, cos of her i'm beginning to have more faith in my religion. n i reali reali owe her a whole load of gratitude. i love her for that. i reali do. she made me realize how forgiving one can b. realized that there's more to life than just what it seems. and i value her words. yeah, i sound as if i like her. yes i do. i admit it. n there's nothing wrong with that. love u loads Dayah. i think u know that already.
so i'll try to continue posting more often. cos i think this blog will be the journal of my life. loads of memories in here. n i can always look back, smile and let the tears roll...
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